I just lost my Angel, Gianna, at 25 weeks on 5/3/12! She was born into heaven!! I miss her so much!! I think about her everyday, but it is good to know that there is a day when I can join other parents who have experienced a loss in remembering our babies!!
My name is Heather. I’m 25 years old and I lost my angel at 2 months on March 5 2012. It was the worst feeling in the world and Im still not over it. I have days where all i want to do is cry and not get out of bed. but I then think about my beautiful angel wouldnt want me to do that. So with the help from my friends and family i make it through the day. Im so glad that I can join this group and show support to all of those who have been in the same situation that i was in.
i am so sorry i know that day well my newborn daughter passed an hour after birthon that very day i have 2 others to keep me going then one on the way i have gotten to where i can talk about her and look at her pictures and i know she is better off i find talking about her helps some one told me that no matter where or what is going on that she always knows we are missing her that helps to know we have to carry on so our little ones memory contuines to help others espically when we can post on sites like this
Hang in there sweet heart it will get better. The Pain stays for sure but with God you learn to realize later in life that there is a reason for everything. Maybe you don’t see it now but you will one day I promise. If you ever need to talk I will listen. Give it to God and let him give you peace.
I too have lost my angel on Feb 27th, 2012 at 9 weeks. Its been quite tough however we are now carrying another baby and I keep wondering if both my babies have met. This is definitely one situation in which if one has not been through is hard to understand. So happy to see a day of open remembrance this month as my baby would have been born this month. Although sex was not confirmed, the dream i had after the day we found out showed me that an Angel came to take my baby and wrapped her in pink, so for this reason, my Angel, Fayte I know was my baby girl.
Hi my name is Imari. i am 15 weeks pregnant as you read this and within a month the doctors believe i will lose my child or they will have to terminate my pregnancy. my water broke and the baby has no fluid around it to prevent any infections. i knew something was wrong when i would have to change my panties 4 times a day. went to the hospital about 3 weeks ago and they never told me anything. yesterday i found out this news…. and all i can do is cry…..my angel would be here Christmas Day. for the rest of my life christmas will never be the same…..this is the worse pain i have ever felt. idk how i will make it…. i wanted this baby so bad…,. and as im writing this im crying…… idk what to do next…what to think….im so broken…..its a rare possiblitiy i could carry this baby without any health issues but the doctors told me to prepare myself for the worse. now im on bed rest basically waiting for my child to die inside of me…. im so mad at myself because there is nothing i did to cause this or nothing i can do to get the fluid back but i find my self crying and still urinating…. i can produce those kinda fluids but not the kind to save my child….. the doc told me by now i shoulda been feeling my baby move and i havent….i havent felt nothing….. im hurting so bad….. i cant understand what i did for this to happen ….i find myself crying so much i get sick….i feel so helpless…i cant help my child. i feel like ive failed my child as a mother.
sweetheart there is nothing you did that caused this i was in your situation i was 18 weeks when they told me my daughter was not going to survive i carried ther to 33 weeks with a lot hopes and still lost her i lost her cause of a rare genetic deffect she got from her father this has nothing to do with you as a mother or failing your child this just happens i know that dont help but its true there is a reason for that little one to live or die i sit here in tears and write this i had some of the same feelings you are having so i know i really do dont give up hope just be ready and if the baby dont survive celbrate anyways cause you have reason to carry that memory on to help others to love that child eithr on eart or in heaven that baby will know your love
Wow, I feel your pain loud and clear. I truely don’t know what to say except for you to read my blog and know that I do truely understand. I am here for you my email address is tdmsapplekitchen@hotmail.com if you want to talk. I am also on facebook if you want to look me up on there. My prayers are with you. Trust in the Lord and his Word. He is the only one that can give you strength and peace to carry on. Be strong and Know God is with you.
hi my name is cheryl how are you ? i truly know how you feel trust me !! i never shared my story before but here we go .. my son was miscarried at 5 mnths pregant when my son was lost due to domestic violence where my water broke but the hospital sent me home and said nothing was wrong so i went for my ultra sound three days later no heart beat the pain set in and then it all began ,my 14 day stay in the hospital where i had too see other moms leaving with their kids when my arms were empty my mother held my son and she was there so i was grieving for her more than me i believe cause not only was her child sick but her grandson was still born .. my mom would not let me see my son she said she did not want me to live with that image for the rest of my life that she knew the pain would be hard enough and i agreed i trust and love my mother ..i blame myself for going bak to my ex and not staying away but i bought the old song and dance i will change for the umteen time and in the end it cost me my son.13 yrs and i cannot let go of the guilt or the pain of my son as i grieve and mourn, he does not even care .. ladies domestic vioelence is not ok of any kind run if that be your case but i thank god for the three girls i have and my angel son in heaven i love them all the same and no one child will ever replace my boy in my heart happy soon to be birthday son 7-27 -99 to 7-27-99 we love you MICHEAL ABRAHAM SANDERS GOD BLESS …
Give it to God sweetheart that is the only way I recieved Peace about my child I lost and my grandchild my daughter lost. We all should talk about these things because that is what helps others. Your story has a very importand message in it that needs to be shared everywhere. Domestic Violence is not something to try and stay in. God never intends for us to be hit on or pushed around. That man need to be in prison for murder. Thank you for having the strenght to share your story. Keep sharing it sweetie cause it will touch lots of lives.
I’m so glad that I found this site. I lost my son Liam on the 27th of June this year. He was my first baby and I had to fight to keep him because my baby’s dad wasn’t ready (neither was I but I wanted him so bad!) and my parents weren’t too happy either but Liam left us just when everyone was getting excited about meeting him and I was beginning to share my news with everyone. I was 32 weeks pregnant when I had a placenta abruption…I’m so angry and have so many questions which the doctor’s can’t answer, they just tell me it was an act of God…It will be a month on Friday and I’m still trying to get by day by day…some days are extremely hard though and I hope that this website could offer me some kind of relief…just like others have said no one will replace Liam and I will always feel a part of my heart has been ripped out…
Your so very right no one will replace your precious baby. But I do not believe this was an act of God. God is nothing but good he does not do evil. I know all things happens for a reason and sometimes it might take years to finally look back and see what that reason was but it will come to you. Your baby is fully formed and Jesus is taking care of Liam till you and your loved ones join him one day. You will always hurt, that pain will never go away. But the talking about it really does help. The only way to heal is to give it to God. He will give you the peace that passeth all understanding. You are strong and you can help others with your story. If you would like to talk with me you can contact me by facebook and by this site also. God bless
I am a two time miscarriage survivor still holding out hope for baby number 3.
I am also a graduate student in the field of social work. I am considering collecting feedback from other women and men who have experienced the loss of miscarriage relevant to support of family and friends, community recognition of this loss, etc. If anyone is interested in being a participant of this survey..please email me at angelsmommy2210@yahoo.com…please spread the word! Blessings
Hello, my name is Julie. I am 20 years old and on May 15,2012 me and my husband found out we were expecting our first child, I was 6 1/2 weeks. I was 19 at the time, so of course I was freaking out. Didn’t really know how to tell my family, but as the days went on I started to get really excited. Wondering if it would be a boy or a girl and trying to come up with names. On July 1st at exactly midnight I was rushed to the hospital because I was bleeding and I didn’t feel normal, I was one day away from being 13 weeks. Was immediately taken to a room and got ultrasounds and paps done. The look on the ultrasound techs face didn’t look right, so I started preparing myself for the news. At 4:19am the doctor came into my room, where my husband and bestfriend were also. Nothing could have prepared me enough for what had came out of her mouth the next 10 minutes. She had told me my baby had passed away, and there was no way of knowing why. My heart went to my throat and tears ran down my face, I couldn’t even look at my husband. I felt like a failure, because the one thing I was suppose to do my body couldn’t do it. Later in that day I was rushed back to the hospital for unbearable pain, I was having contractions. Spent the next 7 hours in a hospital bed with IVs running through me, and everyone telling me “everything happens for a reason” the next 2 weeks were the roughest weeks of my life, going back and forth to doctor appointments to make sure my body was doing what it was suppose to do. It’s now September 6, 2012 and it still isn’t any easier. We gave the baby a name, since we never found out the gender. We call our angel baby “Blessing” I even got a tattoo in rememberance, right above my heart. Tomorrow i’d be 5 months, hence forth why i’m such a wreck right now. I have my good days, and then I have my bad nights where my mind races 100 mph and I can’t make it stop. I literally feel like i’m going crazy because I didn’t know the gender of my child, I didn’t get to hold Blessing so when I talk about Blessing I feel like i’m crazy because Blessing was only 12 1/2 weeks old and still in my tummy, which was barely growing. But I keep telling myself Blessing was mine, I was and always will be Blessings mommy. I’m so afraid to try again because I don’t want this to happen again.
I miss my baby so much, it kills me inside.
I’m so happy that October 15th is a rememberance day, i’m hoping I find closure one day and i’m hoping time will really heal all wounds. But its been 2 months and it still feel like it just happend yesterday.
hang in there girl! i know how you feel. the hospital that gave me my d and c had a memorial today, to remember all the miscarried babies that they’ve had at the hospital. they cremate and put all the ashes in an urn, and have a small service at the cemetary for them. i wanted to go, but i couldn’t bring myself to go. i felt like i just mentally couldn’t handle facing it again, i thought i was coming along with my grief and coming to terms with it. but i’m still very angry and very sad. i understand your fear of trying again…i’m also very scared to have this happen again, but i am trying. and i hope and pray that i will have a healthy pregnancy. Good luck to you, and please, try again! you will never regret trying, but might regret not ever trying!
Thank you so much, never really saw myself being apart of something like this or having a unique bond with so many women but here I am. This week has been pretty rough since it is “pregnancy and infant loss awareness week/month” Got a blue and pink candle to light on the 15th since the gender was unknown. I’m so sorry for your loss as well, that’s cool that the hospital held a service like that. Wish my hospital did that, it would of made it a little easier knowing I could of atleast had a service for Blessing. It gets easier with each day, but the question of “why” still haunts me everyday when I look at my Blessing tattoo on my chest. Never really thought something like this could happen to me. Me and my husband will try again in a few years, just focusing on myself these days. Since July I was diagonised with depressing so just trying to focus on getting myself healthy and happy again.
hi i am a single mother i had a little girl on march 5 2012 she lived an hour then passed she had a lot of health issues i was told at 18 weeks to terminate the preagancy cause the fetus would not survive i went from one specialist to another with the same results so i said god take this baby and do what is right he did i didnt understand at first but now i have seen the reasons that baby was a wake up call in a way for me i miss her alot i celebrate evryday the life she had even tho it was short she was a blessing she helped me learn to enjoy my other 2 childern and help me understand i needed to fight more for my childern then with them i now have my 4th child on the way i dont know that if my daughter would have survived i would have this one it taught me to enjoy what we are given i have learned to talk about her to greive is hard cause like everyone else i was told to let it go she wasnt alive that long get over it i couldnt i had to handle the death of her my way it does get better as time goes on it also gives you your next step in life there is a reason for everything in life god had a plan ready i tell my childern he needed an angel to watch over them god did use her to protect myt other 2 they went into foster care 2 weeks later that didnt help me but i know she is watching them they have been in good homes and almost ready to come home to me they got the greif conseling i wouldnt get the help i couldnt get that is why i know she is watching over them
I am 53 years old and lost a baby in 1984. I was pregnant for a month with my baby dead inside me. This was a devastating time to say the least. I recieved the news that I was pregnant and that my baby had died all in the same day. I was told at three different hospitals that they could not help me cause I did not have health insurance. So I walked around for nearly a month, with doctor after doctor telling me the baby was going to deteriate and get in my blood stream. I was praying for God to wake my baby up to do a miracle. It was not meant to be. Then my husband worked at wal-mart in Terrell Tx. and one of his co-workers told him to take me to the Presbyterian hospital in Dallas Tx. they did a DNC on me and I so appreciate them helping me from the bottom of my heart. They charged me nothing. But the doctor that performed my surgery left me with a feeling that it was my fault my baby died. He ask me if I had taken asprin and I told him I had, that I did not know I was pregnant. I never had a regular monthly, so I never thought anything about it. He ask me several questions like “have you been around paint” well my neighbors that lived in the duplex right next door and had painted their apartmenat. These questions haunted me for a very long time. Then the hospital did not give me a choice of burying my baby or anything they never ask. I felt they just threw my baby in the trash this to this day still bothers me. My strength now comes from the Lord Jesus Christ and I know I will see my baby again one day. He/She will be fully formed and I will hold them forever in Heaven. His/Her dad is already with He/She in Heaven and also has our grandbaby with him also. See my daughter also lost a baby. She is 34 and wants a baby so so bad and so when she got pregnant she was so excited. She has not been able to concieve since. My heart will never be the same because of both situations. I would love to be able to carry a baby for her but unfortunately I later had ovarian cancer and had to have a complete hysterectomy. I have peace about my baby now, it was a miracle in away I never expected because I have met many people that have lost babies and many two or three and losing just one was hard enough could not imagine losing two or three. I have three beautiful children all grown and gone. I have one grandbaby that just turned seven two days ago, by my youngest daughter. My oldest is the one that is having problems conceieving please add her to your prayer list. And for the Lord to give her peace about it as he has done me. There is so many things I would love to add to this, but enough said for now.
My daughter, Elizabeth was born an angel on April 4, 2009. i was 40 weeks pregnant when I lost her. She was so beautiful and perfect in every way! Teeny tiny little precious face down to her toes, so perfect! I miss her so much and I love her more and more every day, I cannot wait to be with her again. Someday soon I will hold her again and I will never let go! I dream of the day the she, my husband, son and I will walk hand in hand together. There will be no hurt any more, only pure joy.
One thing I have learned after nearly 4 years is you never “get over it!” And you don’t have to because it is your child. People simply do not understand our pain.
I lost my pregnancy on September 6 2012 had to have emergency sergurey cause it was in my tubes. It’s been so hard the last couple of days but I do you relize I have been bless with 3 other beautiful kids and I have to live for them . I just can’t see life the way it was before I am scared to go outside and I feel so alone. My friends and family just don’t understand and I am just looking for people who do understand and are willing to listen to me without me sounding crazy. I am so sorry for everyone who has had a lost and like this one wowman said that touch my heart all of out lost kids will be playing together in heaven.
My name is Julie. On may 2nd, i found out i was pregnant and my husband and i were soooo happy. shortly after, we found out that my sister in law was also expecting and due a week later than me! how excited, both our first babies! At about 10 weeks, i started to notice a very tiny amount of blood after using the washroom. i went to the doctor and she sent a request for an ultrasound, but this takes time(in Canada). after seeing her 2 more times, i saw a different doctor. they all said they thought things were fine, but just sending me for ultrasound to be sure. on June 26th, i decided to take myself to the ER department(you’ll get an ultrasound the same day) and got my ultrasound. The tech asked me if i had anyone with me there, i said no and she left and came back with the doc. he told me my baby didn’t grow past 6w 3days, and there was no heart beat. i was devastated(still am). what bothers me most, is i carried a dead baby inside me for almost 6 weeks, without even knowing. i’m also still angry at the doctors for not noticing the drop in BHCG. all this time i thought my baby was growing….but it wasn’t. i felt so foolish. I opted to have a d and c that night, and was sent home afterwards. i cried, and cried and i still cry sometimes. It’s amazing how something so tiny that you haven’t even seen, or held or touched can just steal your heart. one of the hardest parts for me right now, is to watch my sis in laws belly grow, and to know that she will have a happy healthy baby and that my belly would have been like hers, and my baby should have been born at the same time as hers…it’s still so raw and hurts just to look at her…. I’m happy i found this site, it helps to read other women’s stories and to know i’m not alone. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone. thank you to the other men and women who have written their stories, it truely does help. I hope every single one of you continue on to have beautiful healthy babies…my husband and i are starting to try again. i pray that i won’t miscarry again.
Hi. My name is Lacey, I am 27 years old. My boyfriend is 28. I have no children of my own but my boyfriend has 3 amazing little boys that I live with and love like my own. I so wanted my own child to make our family come together a one.
On August 2nd 2012, I found out I was pregnant, we were so happy. We immediately made a DR appointment, and my boyfriend and I went to every DR appointment together. On the first visit we got to have an ultrasound, and we got to see our baby’s heartbeat everything was fine at this point and we were so excited and nervous! We were told by my DR that I have type O negative blood, but it would not be an issue, but I would have to get an RH shot at some point during the pregnancy.
Every week we went to the DR together, and every week we got to see our little one, and the heart beat. And every week we walked out of the DR’s office GLOWING! On the morning of September 1st, I woke up to some mild cramping and a very small amount of blood, I was so scared. I called the DR office and they told me it was nothing to worry about, just cramps from my uterus growing to make room for a child, and the bleeding was “implantation bleeding or old blood”…
The next day I was still bleeding a little and still had some mild cramping, so I went to the ER, and after taking a blood and urine sample they told me I had a UTI and sent me home with some antibiotics (it was called nitrofurantion and I made sure they were safe for the baby before I took them) Everything seemed to be just fine after that and we let our worries go and continued to be happy and collect things for our baby. We went to our DR appointment the next day, and our fears were put to rest, our baby’s heart was beating at 140. Our doubts seemed to be behind us. We felt safe to tell everyone the following week. Everyone was so happy for us. We got a handmade baby blanket from a good friend, some unisex baby clothes, some darling pink booties from one of the nurses at the hospital and tons of books, baby name books, pregnancy books, etc.
On the morning of September 10th 2012, I woke up to the worst stomach and back pain I have ever felt in my life. I know it might be TMI but I honestly just felt like I needed to go to the bathroom, I felt constipated. But after several tries, the pain got worse and by 10 a.m. my boyfriend said “I’m taking you to the hospital.”
They put me in a room and did a pelvic exam and checked for the baby’s heart beat, the ER DR informed us there was no heartbeat. As soon as I heard those words I stopped listening. I was released from the hospital 4 hours later, and I opted for a natural miscarriage at home, I couldn’t bare to go through with a D&C (I find out this coming up monday if I NEED one, but I am praying with all my heart that I don’t need one)
People keep telling me they are sorry for my loss. I don’t want to be sorry, of to feel sorry for my boyfriend and I, I just want understanding. Yes I am sad, angry, confused and aggravated. Who wouldn’t be? I find myself getting angrier and sadder by the day. People keep telling me it will be okay and I can try again and I can have another baby, but I wanted THIS baby, the baby that grew inside me for 11 weeks, the baby that heard my heart beating from the inside, that baby that I already had a nickname for (B.K for Baby Kennon), the baby that I was 100% sure was going to stay inside me and grow and have great parents and amazing grandparents and 3 half brothers, and would call my amazing friends it’s aunts or uncles. The baby that would be named Denise Michele if it was a girl, after my mother and my boyfriend mother, or that would be named Larson Benedict if it were a boy, a combination of a dear friend who passed away a few years ago and my grandfathers middle name. A baby that was already thought of as part of our family.
I find myself crying when I see a newborn, or when I see the blanket we got as a gift, or when I see the baby bath set Hand N Hand pregnancy Center gave me. And I know it’s silly and the baby wasn’t actually a baby yet, but it was an idea in my head, a dream, some hope, and I already loved it with all of my heart.
After the miscarriage I was able to get the RH shot that made my type O negative blood regulate.
I found out 2 day ago that my DR should have given me an RH shot as soon as my blood type was known to him. I have never been so angry in my whole life…
But, this too shall pass.
Much love to all of my family and friends for being there when I needed you most, and Josh, I love you more than life its-self. RIP Baby Kennon.
i know how you feel my husband and i were so excited when we found out that we were expecting. i love my baby too even though i was just 8 weeks i also had baby names if it was a girl it would of been lorii kim a combination of my mom’s name and my husband’s mom’s name and if it was a boy it would of been pete jr. i had a natrual miscarriage too and i think i was not fair for you and your baby what your doctor did to you. i find myself to get more angery and more sad i just hope i dnt fall to depression. well just want to let you know that am here for you even though i dnt know you but you also have my support
Thank you for allowing us, the mothers of heaven’s angels, to have a place where we can let our feelings flow naturally. We must all go through the stages to grief to come out healthier and wiser on the other side.
My baby would have been 7 years old this year and we always think about him/her. I have had two friends who have also lost their babies, stillborn. I can’t imagine having to hold your baby and immediately having to give him back…my heart aches for them. I have been a good friend: I have purchased a remembrance gift for their garden. I feel it is the least I can do to help them get through this emotionally charged time.
Hi my name is Linae, I’m 22 years old. My Fiance and I lost a set of twins at between 15 and 16 weeks along. I have two of my own children and he too has one of his own who he never sees. He was happy to find me and my two little ones. He said he’s never been happier. He loves mine like they are his own. They look up to him. I’ve never seen anything like it. They do everything together(including peeing outside=]). He had said something about wanting a baby together in the biggest way. I told him I’d think about it. About a few months later(DEC of ’11) we found out that we have been expecting for the last 3, almost 4 MONTHS! We were so beyond happy and excited. We went to all of our appointments and listened to the heart beat. At about 15-16 weeks along I had an appointment for an ultrasound. I wanted to hear the baby’s heartbeat to know everything was okay. Little did I know..everything was NOT okay. My Doctor told me there was blood around the Fetuses(babies). I asked what was wrong with my baby! They told me I have been miscarrying a set of TWINS for the last week or so(Feb. 29th ’12)I was devastated, not only because I found out I was miscarrying for like an entire week or so but because that was how I found out I wasnt gonna have 1 baby but a beautiful set of TWINS. I had to go home and tell my Fiance that we were losing our BABIES! It felt like a part of us died that day. A couple of days later my Doctor called with an appointment to have surgery to remove the dead babies that they said were making me very sick! After the surgery they had told me it looked like the twins were a baby BOY AND a baby GIRL! I’ve always wanted a little girl too:/ Her name wouldve been ARIAN MAE. If it were a boy it woulve been ARIAN DAVID. I have been wanting to get my Fiance a stepping stone of a baby boy and baby girl SO SO bad but I just dont have the funds for it right now:/ That would make the ultimate present for him, that would make him the happiest man because he’s been so down since we lost them, I just dont know what to do:( I want to let our babies know that mommy, daddy and your two big brothers loves you so dearly. Cant wait to hold you in our arms again!!! Rip little Angels <3 <3 <3
am sorry for your lost and i admire what you want to do for your fiance because its the same thing i want to do for my husband. i know your babies know that you guys love them and their not forgotten. i might not know you but i know how you feel and at longest you two support each other you will make it threw and later on god will send you another set of twins and maybe they can both be girls.
My name is Mary. I’m 26 years old. Mother to Ariyanna born October 6th 2005. I was 21 years old. I was in college at the time so I scheduled my doctors appts in my hometown. On October 3rd I came home and went to my first ultrasound I was 20 weeks along. Everything checked out to be perfect. The baby was in great health, nothing was wrong, the baby was growing normally, no defects or anything. She was a baby girl! <3 October 4th i woke up with what felt like period cramps. i went to the bathroom and i was spotting. i panicked and my mom told me not to freak out just yet because she spotted with me and perhaps light spotting is normal. we go into the er and because i was so far along they took me up to neonatal. they check everything out and realized my sac was coming outside of my cervix. At this point because I was so far along and my baby had a chance of survival if I was put on bedrest, they said let nature take course because trying to push the sac back in will risk breaking it. They gave me about 100 tests and everything came back negative. They didn't understand or having an explanation why this was happening. At the time both baby and I were in perfect health. I began having contractions and they just couldnt stop them in time. i was losing more and more fluid slowly but surely and they were scared that an infection can creep and not only harm my child but also put my own life in danger . because I didn't want to lose my baby girl I declined for them to induce me to make me have her faster to ensure my safety. i had hope that she was going to make it, and i told them id much rather he be here than me. after 2 1/2 days of pain, pokes, tests, tears, denial, my body couldnt handle it anymore and my water finally broke at 7pm monday october 6th. i screamed to my mom and immediately i began to have the hardest worse pain (contractions) ive ever felt. the doctor examined me to realize that my daughter decided she didnt want to come out and noticed her feet were first which made labor a little more difficult. She was already in the canal when they realized this. (It happened very fast) after some pushes, screams, at 855pm i gave birth to this most beautiful little baby ive ever laid my eyes on…she didnt cry…her eyes were not open…but she was breathing and moving. me my mom and dad all held her and took pictures with her..i remember holding her and just staring at her and touching her nose and she moved her arm and i just remember thinking like why me..Why could this even happen to me. I did everything right throughout my pregnancy. What made me more angry is the fact that the doctors had no explanation either. Which made me even think harder what I did to deserve such a punishment. she passed away three hours after she was born. The hospital wouldnt help her breathe or live because she was under the 23 week cut off and anything under is too high of risk…meaning even if they helped she may have became mentally disabled, lung disease, etc etc..which obviously at that point i didnt care but..after she passed they let me stay with her for a few more hours. they dressed her in a cute little purple outfit with a hat, took pictures, gave her her own baby blanket, footprints, birth certificate, teddy bear…they treated her just as if she was a living breathing healthy human being. which i do love they acknowledged her life, but weeks later the knife kept twisting in my heart when i received her social security, a new mom book, etc. I decided to have my child cremated so she can be with me at all times. If i ever moved, or stayed the thought of her being out of reach at any given time makes me feel extremely uncomfortable which i why i did choose cremation. I think it was the best choice for me. I keep her next to my bed with a little memorial and her picture. after her death i pretty much became nothing. i shut down, i became hateful and angry which is the complete opposite of how i was before. i also noticed i formed a certain kind of OCD. i try to control alot of situations so they work out for the best and try to prevent anything bad happening. it almost ruined my relationship and has angered alot of my friends. because i couldnt control her death i now try to control everything in my life. it got really out of hand but im doing better. i feel after 4 years ive come such a long way. occassionally i cry when i think about her..and sometimes im so excited to share my story. i thank you for everyone to take the time out in reading my story. In memory of my beautiful baby girl *<3 Ariyanna Faith D'Asia Pritchett <3* 10-06-08
Mary am sorry for your lost your babygirl must be proud of you because your doing much better. your story inspires me alot its sad to hear wat you ent through but know that your baby is seeing you from above and she loves you. i support you
I’m 22.. And I am soo happy I found this site. I have been pregnant three times and have had two miscarriages and one eptopic pregnancy, each time it hurt more. The last time was the eptopic pregnancy and I did not leave my room. The emotional pain that I felt was by far the worst feeling In the world. I very rarely talk about any of this due to the fact that I sometimes feel like people don’t understand or I sometime i feel like I am not allowed to be as upset as I get because I never got the chance to have them. But it deff hurts still. Almost everyday, when I see newborns or movies about people losing pregnancies it makes want to cry. Thank you giving me a place to talk about this. I’m very grateful…
Jenn i know how you feel and believe it or not i sometimes get upset and i just start to fight with my husband. i know he’s hurt too and we all as parents need to let everything out because it does hurt alot and you have my support 100%. We are all a team and like a big nation wide family to support each other
hi everyone my name is Teresa but everyone calls me Terry am just 17 and i just lost myfirst baby because of a miscarriage. i lost my baby this past tuesday my husband and i are so devestaded with the lost of our baby but am glad i found this website so i can get support of other parents and i would like to give my support too. Thank you for this page.
Hey, My names Brittney I had a miscarriage in Febuary of this year. I was 14 weeks. My Fiancee and I had just heard the heartbeat (on valentines day) the next day I was a work and started bleeding, i went to the ER and the did some tests tried to find the heartbeat again but couldn’t hear anything the ultra sound didn’t show it either… within 24 hours my whole life changed. It was confirmed that i was having a miscarriage. We were so excited when we found out we were having a baby, We had names picked out we had already started buying diapers and nuetral baby things… Its amazing how so much can change in such little time.. Still today I’m not over it… I cry a lot and I always wonder If i could have done things differently or if i wouldnt have went to work that day if everything would have been fine. Me and my fianacee argue a lot about it…. I know hes upset about it but he’s moved on quicker then i have… He just tells me theres nothing i could have done and to get over it…. which I know is true but its easier said then done… Im glad I found this site and Im so sorry for everyone else’s loss! Prayers are with you all!!!
My name is Brittany and this is my story , I am now currently 21 and found out I was pregnant with my first baby girl last year , she was due feb 22,2011 .
I was a little nervous because my husband is in the army and would have been gone throught my whole pregnancy and overseas when she came , but I had a very supporting family and my husband and I were so excited !,after the ultra sound to determine the sex of the baby I was told we were having a girl! And about a week or two later my doctor calls me into the office and I knew right when I walked into his office that something was wrong , he began to tell me my daughter had a rare spinal tube defect called anancephaly which it comes in many sizes and cases but hers was the worst, her skull didn’t form fully over her head and there was no way she could live outside of my body. I of course got second and third opinions but all the answers came back the same . He gave me the choice to keep the baby and go full term or to terminate my pregnancy , each person is different in this situation but in my case I decided to be induced so her nor I would have to suffer anymore .. I had to get ahold of my husband while he was at ft.benning in Georgia and telling him was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do . He received emergency leave and was able to come home for the procedure . My daughter was born October 10th,2011 around 2:30 am and was the most beautiful thing I have ever set my eyes on . Not a day goes by that I still don’t think about her ,but she is deffinatly my angel baby .just when you feel so hopeless like it won’t stop hurting and the pain will never go away , it gets better I promise my heart goes out to all of you other mothers who have lost a child . And I pray your healing process is fast. God bless
Hi my name is Hya, i’m 32 years old. My husband and I lost our triplets (Anela, Vincent & Julianna) almost 3 months ago, July 20th 2012 to be exact, I was 22 weeks & 2 days when I had them via emergency C-Section. I was diagnosed with Complete Placenta Previa at 16 weeks gestation. Dr’s didn’t put me on bed rest, they told me to go on reduced activity which I did after I was told about the placenta. Since it was our first pregnancy, I really had no idea that the placenta was that severe. I started bleeding at home on July 18 @ 1030pm and my husband rushed me to the local hospital and was admitted for observation since the bleeding stopped. The next day July 19, I had no bleeding until later on that night at 1030pm, same exact time I had the bleeding the night before. My doctor came in and told me I’ve lost 1 liter of blood and will need to transfused 4 bags of blood back to me. Around 12:30am (july 20) I was still bleeding and dr’s said I’ve lost over 2 Liters of blood and at this point, they will need to get the babies out to prevent more blood loss and possibly losing me. I didn’t want them to touch me, but when my husband looked at the amount of blood I lost, he stated “I can’t lose you either babe, let the doctor do what’s best”. At that point, we made the hardest decision in our lives, I hugged my stomach and cried so much and spoke to our babies and said I’m so sorry babies :'(. Dr’s told us straight out that at 22 weeks & 2 days, the babies aren’t going to survive. I miss them so much and I hope they know how much we love them. They will never be replaced, they will always be in our hearts. I hope someday I can understand why these things happen. I hope they are happy in heaven and playing in God’s kingdom. God Bless you all…
Hi, I am Heather. I lost my first baby due to miscarriage at 12 weeks in 2004. I know the pain, it doesn’t go away, but it does get better. I named my baby Rylin Madysen. I didn’t know the gender, but felt my child deserved a name. I think about her every day. I asked God everyday why. 5 years after asking why and never getting pregnant, I got an answer. I had a septum in my uterus. I made a scrapbook and kept all of my ultrasound pictures. I don’t know if this will help anyone else, but I found a poem titled spirit baby. I finally gave birth to Rylins brother Jan 2012. I love him and Rylin. I still think about her. I rock my son and think about Rylin rocking with us. Rylin would be 7.
Be strong, it gets easier but you will never forget.
Hi, my names Rachael. I am seventeen & im from scotland, I suffered a miscarriage when I did not even know I was pregnant until it had already happened. I have had so many health problems since this because I should have had a d&c. At first it did not really hit me but when it did it hit me like a train. My whole world fell apart going into the hospital & walking past the maternity ward or seeing babies being taken home from the hospital. I had a break down & took an overdose, my partner of 2 years left me because he said he could not watch me go through this torment & I was to ‘man up & get a grip’ because it was my own fault it happened. I have so much anger & guilt & sadness for this for what could have been a beautiful baby I will never know whether it was a boy or a girl or who they would have looked like & I will always have that stability in my life it is still so raw, it happened on the 28th of july & I will never ever forget it. I am so glad I have found this website it has given me true comfort in a way, I contacted my radio stations & I was interviewed on sunday & it will be aired on the 15th, in Scotland I do not think anyone has heard of this day so I will do my best to spread the world I would want everyone who has suffered like me to feel they have this comfort as I have. I hope one day it will be easier but right now it is so hard.
hello… So sorry if this is long or I start rambling… i am writing here because i have had two second trimester miscarriages this year and just cant seem to let myself open up to anyone, besides my husband but he just refuses to talk about this with me. I am 22 years old and lost my daughter february 8th of this year, she was 10in and 10oz. She was stillborn, my water broke at 19weeks and then she was delivered two days later, after we could not find her heartbeat that morning. I was really upset after I lost her, we thought that maybe it was some fluke thing and that it “shouldn’t happen again”. Thinking that the next pregnancy would be ok that made me feel better. I realized that sometimes these things happen for a reason and my babygirl was gone, it helped me to think that she probably didnt feel any pain. I thought i was okay and i thought that i had accepted losing her but i was wrong. Just recently I had another miscarrriage, I lost my son at 18 weeks on sept. 18. This time my water starting bulging out of my cervix, the Doctors said that my water was “hour-glassed” in my cervix, part was still in the uterus the other part was poking out the other side of my cervix. I was on complete bed rest for four days. I have had problems with anxiety all of my life and recently started having trouble with acid-reflux, so I got sick from being so worried and then constanty laying down and eventually I was eating very little. I was so miserable on bed rest and i tried everything to stop the nausea and vomiting and eventually the contractions. on the fourth day of bed rest, I went into the dr.s office because I had started leaking more fluid. The dr said that there was a lot more fluid leaking then before. I went up to labor and delivery, the dr thought the baby would end up coming that day… and for sure he did… about 3 or 4 hours later. My son was 7.7oz and about 8.5 in. My dr. said he thought that my baby wouldn’t make it through delivery, but he did. I was so sad when I found out that it was a boy AND he was alive… My two pregnancies were almost exactly the same, I was sick almost the whole time, so I thought I was having another girl and believed she would not make it through delivery. I was happy but then sad knowing that i could not keep him, but got myself together so i could spend whatever time I had with him as calm as possible. My first miscarriage was due to pPROM and this one my cervix just started to give out. If i ever get the strength and courage to try again I will have to get a cervical cerclage… but it sounds scary to me. I was feeling okay for the past week or so, I was up by myself after my husband went to work early in the morning and I don’t know, just started thinking about my friends and their babies and it just got to me… Life is so unfair and I am just missing my babies sooo badly this morning!!
Hi, my name is Jessica. I lost my first baby at 2 months. I had come home from work and began to experience sever back pains and before we knew it, I was in the hospital and miscarried. I couldn’t believe it. I got pregnant again and we thought it to be our miracle. On December 23, 2012 I gave birth to our second baby, Julixana, at 6 months. She was a stillborn. We had gone in for a doctors checkup on Dec 22 and they informed us that her heart had stopped beating. I had no words. It all seemed like a nightmare and I couldn’t really grasp what was going on until after I delivered and I was ready to go home from the hospital, without my baby. To this day my heart sinks when I think of them both and how much I miss them. I still can’t look over my sonogram pictures and videos without feeling helpless and crying out for her. It will soon be a year that I held my baby girl and moments later had to search for a funeral home. A year later and I still can’t seem to find a way to make any of this easier. Shes mommy’s little angel, but theres so many days that I just wonder… I close my eyes and remember her in my arms and how I just wish I could hold her again. There’s still so much anger in me and although I know that its no ones fault, I still can’t stand to look at pregnant women, when at one point I though them to be so beautiful. Everytime I find myself feeling this way, I remind myself that my babies would rather have me smile because I have the chance to still love them so much, instead of feeling so bitter. I pray every night for peace in my heart and for all the mothers who have had to experience such a loss. May God be with you all and may your babies forever be in your heart, to wipe away your tears and to warm your hearts when it gets lonely.
My name is Aubrey, I am 16 years old. No one wants to be a teen mom, but when I started having suspicions I was pregnant I wasn’t worried because if it happened it happened and I’m going to do my best to give this baby the best life it can have. Well, God had other plans because turns out I was pregnant and I had a miscarriage at about 3 weeks yesterday morning. My boyfriend and I were heartbroken for the little angel, but we know he or she is safe and right where it needs to be.
I personally have not lost my baby as I am only 16 but when I was 9 my mum was pregnant with two twin boys and I couldn’t be any happier at the moment. One day after school my dad came to pick us up from school and that was unusual as he worked 2 hours away and wasn’t meant to be home for a few days. But anyway we were going to Adelaide to see our grandparents and my brother and I had not idea why, but it was a visit to Grandpa and Grandma who wouldn’t be excited. At that moment in 2005 my mum was roughly 24 weeks pregnant, and being only 9 to me everything was perfect I was about to be the big sister too two boys. while at my Grandma’s house we weren’t allowed to answer the phone, on the 21st of May 2005 the most beautiful and tiny and perfect little boys were born, Martin Lloyd and Shannon Edward.Meeting them for the first time was amazing, they were so tiny and perfect. Shannon died on the 26th of May, the one vivid memory I have from the day my Grandma told my brother and I was the pain and sadness my mum had as I spoke to her over the phone. I hurt so much and I had no idea what was going on. His funeral I cried the whole way through not releasing the pain that was coming in a few weeks. Martin died after 9 weeks of being in the NICU. Mum had been released from hospital by then and we had gone home. I am 16 now and I don’t really talk about them much because I just feel so guilty of talking to my mum about it and I don’t want to hurt her in anyway. I have started to have these thoughts were I would do anything to have them back, I would give up everything just to have that time with them. One of my friends mum was pregnant with twins and they didn’t know the sex and then I started having these thoughts, why do they get what was taken from me, they have such a big family already why do they get that chance to have what I didn’t get, it’s not fair.
I don’t really speak with her anymore and I guess it has something to do with that.
I don’t know why I am writing this but I guess it gives me a chance to tell somebody and not feel guilty.
I want to share with you a quote that I have read on this website I believe:
‘If you know someone who has lost a child or lost anybody who’s important to them, and you’re afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died, they didn’t forget they died. You’re not reminding them. What you’re reminding them of is that you remember that they lived, and that’s a great, great gift.
Your mum will never forget her twin sons and it may be beneficial for you and her to talk about them and remember them and share your love for them.
Ohhh boo hoo! So bummed that I misesd your super sweet give away. Oh well .congrats to Shana!!! Everything is so so sweet!!!!I am loving your shop to bits!! I must have some of your adorable pom pom trims! And those photo corners are too cute!! I’ll be back as soon as I can sqirrel away some spending money! Promise!Love your blog!!Happy Snowy Spring! xoox Jenny
Hi, I’m Gina. I lost my son full term, I went into labor at 6 days over due, and as my son was coming out of the birth cannel they lost his heart beat. So when he was born the doctors and nurses tried for half hour to get him to breathe, with no success they announced him dead at 4:30am. Just watching the doctors doing all that seemed as if I was dreaming.. thinking to myself this can’t be happening.. my heart was crushed when I had to give the news to my 4 year old son at home, cause he was so excited for him. It was really hard for my husband too, cause when he got home he had to pack up all the baby stuff we put out, and the crib.. December 1st would mark his 6th birthday in heaven.. I ended up having 2 other children after him and its always never wrecking because you know it happen before.. Its just something I don’t think I’ll ever get over..
I’m so sorry for your loss. I too lost my full term baby girl 10 years ago. You never get over it, but it does get easier, I miss her so much sometimes that my heart hurts. But I find comfort in knowing that she will be waiting for me of the gates in heaven! I hope that you can find some comfort in that too.
Hi my name is Taylor. I’m so glad a good friend of mine gave me this website. I have just recently lost my little girl. I was 39 weeks to the day when I delivered Ashton Kenzie. It was Friday August 17,2012 that we went to the doctor for my weekly check and they used the Doppler and could not find a heart beat. After the ultrasound confirmed what we already knew there was no heartbeat our little girl had been taken away from us before we could even meet her. I was immediately induced, and after 12 hours of labor I delivered Ashton Kenzie at 4:39 am on august 18,2012 which is also her death date. The cord had gotten wrapped around her neck only a few hours before the appt. She was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I can picture that day perfectly. I carried full term and had the biggest lost ever. I can relate with many of you. The loss is very fresh is has not even been 2 months yet. There isn’t a single day that goes by that I don’t think or miss her. We are still grieving and it helps hearing others stories and to know we aren’t alone. The hardest thing I have ever had to do is say good bye and plan a funeral for your child. We go out to her grave often. I don’t know how all you managed to have children after if you even have. I have really questioned if I can ever have kids again. I am only 22 and she was the first child for me, however feel like I can’t have other children and be a good enough parent to her even if she isn’t here on earth with us.
On October 18,2011 I received a phone call around 12:30 from my children’s grandmother stating my son was not breathing. She began CPR while his father called 911 the emt continued CPR for the 12 miles to the hospital. When I arrived to the hospital he was still being worked on. At 1:37 he was pronounced dead (still so hard to say that). I cried so hard, I wanted to die. Some days I still want to die so I can be with him, hold him again, hear his laugh, feel his skin. Marcus was 5 months old. He had the most amazing smile and for such a young infant he had quite the personality. Thursday will mark 1 year since I lost my baby. I don’t know how to feel, there are so many emotions that I just can’t bare them. My daughter whom is 3 years old mentions him from time to time, it makes me miss him more just at the thought that at 3 she misses him. My sister gave me this site hoping that it could help me give me comfort. I love you Marcus and I miss you more each day. Although I know your up there smiling down on us, just know I would do anything to have you back in my arms. Xoxo
Hello, My Name is Lindsay, and I first want to say how terribly sorry I am for anyone who has experienced the pain of baby loss.
my Story;
I was an uneducated unprepared teen mom, who made some poor decisions etc, ended up having 2 children quite young, raising them for a few years, then realizing that life was not easy , things were not to be handed to me and I was not able to provide the life I wanted these children to have, so I placed them together with a family I chose for adoption, and though brutally hard, I don’t regret nor look back.I decided after my son was born to have my tubes tied, I resigned myself that I was not to have children, that i had my chance and passed it up so to speak. well some 20 years later I meet, then marry my now husband, just prior to our wedding in 2007 I got my tubes untied, and we were pregnant soon after, I found out on New years eve we were expecting.
told Anyone who would listen, we were elated, I had finally gotten over my guilt of my previous children and was excited for this new chapter. it wasn’t meant to be I miscarried at 6 weeks, devestated, but comforted in my doctors words that this is common, and it likely won’t happen again.( I should mention I was nearing 40 years) Well it did, 12 more times.( between 3 and 14 weeks) along) some would say how, I don’t know…we just kept trying. seeing specialists etc. Miscarriage #8 was at 9 weeks and was ectopic which resulted in my loosing my right tube. well pregnancy 13….with 1 tube left, I went into the hosp,and said I believe I am having an ectopic pregnancy ( I knew the signs) I was 11 weeks along and the doc said yes I am afraid we are going to have to remove your left tube, I went through the surgery plagued by the devastating thought that with this last failed pregnancy and the loss of my last tube, It was official, I could not have more babies.
The next morning, the doctor came to see me and told me the most beautiful thing, I was still pregnant. though there was a fetus in my tube there was also one in my uterus,( though rare this happens, either a twin pregnancy one in the uterus one in the tube, Or even rarer still, getting pregnant @ 2 different times) and after bed rest for the last 6 months she stuck, I now have a 6 month old Miracle baby.( who has already had 2 heart surgeries) I know this isn’t a traditional loss story, trust me I feel that pain, I just wanted to offer hope to some. peace and love to you all.
Hey, I lost my baby on October 15, 2003. I was suppose to be 15 weeks at the time but the ultrasound showed up at 7 weeks. We have no idea what happened. The doctor just said the baby stopped developing. I just found this site today. Kinda strange I found it on the 9 year anniversary of loosing my little one. I have not been able to get pregnant again which has actually cost me my marriage. People deal with things differently. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about what could have been. Every year on my due date it’s really hard. I have learned to deal with it in my own way I guess but you never really get over it…. Thank you for this site and the support you provide on a topic that noone wants to talk about!
I lost my baby girl Lola at 4 months, we got to see her and say goodbye, she is now in the ocean happily swimming with the dolphin and mermaid spirits, knowing this gives me some kind of closure and i can only think fondly of the short time we had together.
My friend sent me this website after finding out what happened to me. I have told people, but this seems a better outlet. I have one 6 year old Son whom I had when I was 18. (young I know). He is beautiful and smart and all around amazing. Fast forward to September 2012. I had been dating my long distance boyfriend for 6 months when I took a pregnancy test. I remember the very faint positive sign that showed up at work, in the bathroom. Though it was not planned I was beyond THRILLED as I am 24 now and have always wanted another child. Took 2 more tests the next day and no doubt, I was pregnant. I called my boyfriend who was excited as I was. We both have a child from previous relationships, so this would have been our first. A week later I woke up to severe cramping and brown blood. I dropped to my knees and cried calling him saying “I think I’m loosing the baby!” He drove up right away and we headed to the Dr. It was a whirwind what happened next. I was informed after 4 different Dr’s doing internal sonograms that I had an ectopic pregnancy. I was later given a shot to dissolve the pregnancy. I’ll never forget crying walking out of that hospital room as he walked beside me. He tried to hold my hand, but I pulled away. I know the baby never could have survived and at 8 weeks I was lucky no physical damage was done to me. But I still ask God why? What did I do so wrong? Sorry for the long story. We have both cried over this, but right after my Aunt passed and I feel as though I have had no time at all to truly express how sad and how much of a complete failure I feel like. Thanks.
I am Sorry you feel like a failure, I wish there were words to make you appreciate. though I am sure you understand it was through no fault of your own( the ectopic) but you can’t yet appreciate that thought, I hope the strength soon finds you and guides you in a healing way.
Today October 25, 2012 is 18 years since I lost my baby. I was a 15 year old girl that had no clue how to be a mom or take care of a baby. When I lost him I had no emotions, went on daily living like a typical teenager. Now 18 years and 2 wonderful children later it is harder than ever. Every year on this date I get sad and depressed and wish this day never happened again. I hate everything about it. I know I need to be happy I will see him again some day but it is so hard, and I wouldn’t have the 2 children I have now if my little boy was ever born. I miss him every day but today is definately the hardest of them all. I miss and love you so much Cody and someday I will finally meet you and hold you in my arms like a momma should.
Hello, My name is Ashley. I am 27 years old. In 2008 I found out that I was going to be a momma, And I was the happiest girl. Well at just 5 weeks I had miscarried and it was hard But in Jan. of 2012 I became pregnant and once again I was the happiest girl even though I was worried because of my last pregnancy. Alittle time had passed and I had hit 16 weeks. I went to have an ultrasound done and they told me that I was having a little girl. I got extremely excited, I was beginning to think everything was going to be fine because I have made it this far. Time came and I was 24 weeks and one day my doctor at that time had called and asked me to come in because he really needed to talk to me and it was something he needed to talk to me in person not by phone, So of course I got worried. When I arrived to the office they took me back right away, the doctor came in and told me that I had placenta previa and I had no idea what this was so of course I asked alot of questions. He told me that he needed me to find another doctor because at that hospital they did not have the equipment he thought they needed so I found a different doctor. Time passed and the day I hit 36 weeks I had to go for my weekly visit. I’ve had no complications with the placenta previa. So that day while I was at the docs, The doctor herself and I thought everything was fine. She went to look for Amelia’s (baby) heartbeat and we picked it up or so we thought. So we had set a date for the c-section, This was when I was super super excited. Because on October 6th I would get to meet my little girl. Well the doc decided she wanted to do a quick ultrasound as soon as she started it she got really quiet and just looked at me, So I started asking her if there was something wrong and she just looked at me and said Ashley I am so sorry. So I got kind of mad and was asking why was she sorry, She replied ” it was your heartbeat we were picking up” I looked at her asking her what was going on and she got teary eyed and told me that Amelia had no heartbeat, It felt like my heart had ripped out of my chest I kept asking if she was serious and how could this be? So that day (Sept.11th 2012) I had an Angel. I had no clue to what I was going to do or how to handle it. Everything was running through my head. I’m a failure, maybe its not meant for me to be a mother. The one thing I love more then life itself was gone. I had no idea there was a special day just for our Angel Babies. My sister was the one who had told me about it just here recently. Now I feel some what better knowing there is a day just for stillbirth/infant loss. I love it and think its great. I still feel like a failure in some ways. Just when I begin to think I’m okay I’m just going to give it time and I will try again later on, Its like it hits me in the face again and I think theres no way I’m trying and that I’m done. Is it normal to have these feelings? Or is it just me? I seem very lost. This is extremly hard. I am sorry for everyones loss.
Hello my name is Maria and I just had a miscarriage five days ago .I was 8 weeks. This was my first pregnacy so I was overwhelmed with happiness. Now my boyfriend and I are left with sadness and anger. This was a very wanted and loved baby. I have never experienced so much pain in my life. I know we will try again, but I am scare this will happen again. I hope and pray that If we do get pregnant again, god will bless us with a healthy, beautiful baby. I am so sorry for everyone’ s loss. I am with you in your pain. I feel honored to have been the mother of this beautiful angel, even if it was just for 8 weeks.
I ‘m Karen. I’m 32. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was almost 6 weeks along. This was my first pregnancy, and though I was super surprised, I was incredibly happy and excited. I was told by three different doctors that it would most likely take more for me to get pregnant then normal. As in I would probably have to take fertility meds or do IVF treatments. I miscarried at 9 weeks, last sunday to be exact. Feb. 10th, 2013. I miscarried while in the emergency room with intense cramping and lots of bleeding. Now I feel like hell. I cry a lot and feel like there was something I should have done differently or that it was my fault. I know it wasn’t, but feel as though it was. Everything changed when I found out I was pregnant. Everything has changed again once I found out I was miscarrying. I went from intense joy to intense sadness and sorrow over the course of 3 weeks. I have been through a lot of bad things in my life, but this is by far the hardest most emotional thing ever that I have had to do. How do you say goodbye to your baby? I feel that no one understands. I work with infants and young children everyday for my job. I feel like I need time off and I am not even sure I want to work with children anymore. I was suppose to graduate in May with my early childhood education degree. Now I don’t even know if that’s what I want. I am taking the rest of this semester off and not sure I want to continue my job in childcare/early childhood. I don’t have any idea as to where to turn or how to do this. I will never forget my baby, nor do I ever want to forget. I can’t see past how I feel right now. I have support from my mom and my best friend, as well as a few other people. But no one who I feel truly understands my loss and my pain. This loss has hurt my boyfriend too, and he is slipping silently away from me. He will not talk with me and I feel like even though he says he cares, etc, that I have no support from him. He feels I should just move on. I really feel like I have no one to turn to. I have awesome friends, just none who have been through this. I need support and people who really understand. I don’t know what to do. I feel blessed and honored that I was the mother of this beautiful angel for 9 weeks, but the loss has just made me feel awful. I didn’t know about this site or that there was a day of rememberance for misscariage/infant loss/stillbirth until I was searching miscarriage websites. I am glad that there are others like me and maybe I don’t have to feel so alone anymore in my grief. My heart, prayers and thoughts are with all of you…I am sorry for your loss as well.
Karen do not give up. The day my I found out my baby had no heartbeat I told my boyfriend I did not want to get pregnant again, like “never”. I was talking out of pain and anger, but as time passed I just could not live with the idea of never becoming a mom. Give yourself time to heal. In honor of your baby’s life continue to help, work and make a difference in other children’s life. I lost my baby Feb 1, 2013 and can assure you it will get better. My best advice is to stay busy and surround yourself with women that understand wht you are going through. It is not easy. I still struggle myself, but you have to find strenght within you to keep going. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care.
Hi, my name is Sarah and I lost a pregnancy in early December 2012. My husband and I have been trying to start a family since Jan 2012. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome which causes me to not ovulate regularly. After fertility treatments and our first IUI in October, we found out we were pregnant. I remember crying with pain and happiness. I cried that my pain of infertility was over, and felt so happy and so so lucky. We had been monitored through ultrasounds from the 5th week up until the 8th. We even saw a heartbeat. I remember talking to my baby through out my pregnancy symptoms and telling my baby to do whatever it needed to do to grow strong and healthy. At our 8 week ultrasound, my baby was measuring smaller and the heartbeat was gone. I look back to that moment as an out of body experience. Seeing the image on the screen, and hearing my doctor confirm the pregnancy was no longer viable, and what our next steps were. At first I was so angry. Angry at myself, and angry at God. At first I wanted to forget. I wanted everything out of me. I wanted to forget the pregnancy test, telling my family and friends, the images. Everything. I was so broken. I eventually came to terms with the loss and decided to wait to miscarry naturally. I had been through so many hormones and treatments that I wanted my body to take it from there. The wait was so hard. I was afraid to leave my house because I didn’t know when the miscarriage would start. I experienced pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness while waiting. It was by far one of the hardest experiences of my life. Eventually my doctor said I had to have a D&C because my body was not recognizing the loss. To me, that was extremely difficult. I wanted it to happen naturally. I wanted it to symbolize that we were ready to let go of each other. I guess we were not ready. My husband said that when I woke up from the anesthesia, I cried saying “My baby is gone.” It’s been over two months since the loss and I still miss my baby. I miss feeling it, and I miss seeing it, regardless how early and small, it was there and it was mine. It was an instant connection because I tried so hard and waited so long until we found each other. We have not lost each other in spirit. I know my baby is still around me. But it’s hard. I am grateful for people in my life who have helped me through this, bust mostly from others who have experienced the loss for themselves. It is an untouchable bond and connection us women share. Though our stories are so different, our pain is very much there, and very much real. I am truly sorry for our loss and this pain we have experienced, and I hope and pray for our healing, and peacefulness.
I just came home from the hospital and am recovering from a c-section I had to have to deliver my 31 week old baby girl whose heart stopped beating while inside of me. While my body heals, my heart is still broken. She was born on my birthday, although I do not know when she died. I still do not know what happened, but does it really matter? She is gone, and I had to leave the hospital empty handed. I have no baby to hold, no newborn smell to cherish, no soft skin to caress. I wanted this little girl for so long. The worst part is having to tell everyone and hear the same things. I have my moments where I’m okay, and thankful for the two beautiful boys I do have and then I have my moments where I know I will never be the same again. I think I am still in shock; nobody ever thinks something like this could happen to them. One positive thing is that I have learned to not take a single moment for granted and if I do get the chance to have another baby, this experience will make me cherish every single second I have with her.
I am soo sorry for your loss, my baby girl was born sleeping at 38 weeks, and I felt just as you do. just hold your loved ones close and I swear you will get thru this. today is my babys 5th birthday..
Sorry for your loss Michelle. My baby girl was born at 34 weeks and died 6 days later and I also had a C-Section. You saying that you wanted your baby girl for so long is exactly what I keep thinking now…she was supposed to be my 30th birthday present as she was born in my birthday month. Take each day at a time, DONT hold back…if you in the middle of the supermarket and want to cry…cry. If you want to smash something…smash it! I have felt this helped me a lot, I try not to keep it in as it is not healthy for you or your family. Take care of yourself!
Our son Vincent Matthew was born on August 6, 2011, at 9:04 PM. Vincent was premature and only weighed a little over two pounds. He was so handsome and so tiny. Vincent became sick shortly after birth and passed away on August 14, 2011. In Vincent’s short life, he touched so many people and felt so much love. Our family decided to start this page in order to create a support group for families experiencing pregnancy and to offer support for families who have experienced the tragedy of losing a child. We hope that this page will be inspirational and also bring awareness to specific pregnancy related experiences and conditions to be familiar with regarding infants, specifically premature babies.
We are honoring our son’s memory through the creation of a Facebook Page in his name. The page is dedicated to education and awareness for pregnant women. Please visit our page at the following link: http://www.facebook.com/TheVincentMatthewM...
Hello, today I had to have my 2nd D&C in 8 months. I feel completely lost…. Every time I close my eyes all I see is my ultrasound (a fetus with no heartbeat). I could really use someone to talk to…. I am angry and I hurt and don’t know what my next step should be.
I remember the amazing feeling of being pregnant, those first signs that I was going to have a baby for the very first time. I lost that feeling at 9 weeks pregnant, the test was positive one week before my miracle was taken away from me and my fiance. We were so happy for that week, the plans we had and names. But then it stopped and I hate it. Some days the pain is unbearable and I cry so much. It’s been 2 weeks since it happened and I still hurt. I hate it when people say it just wasn’t meant to be and no one tells me why it wasn’t. I just hope that it gets better.
It has been almost a week since I gave birth to my son, Bradley, at 21 weeks. I have not talked to my doctor since I left the hospital, but she told me she believes I was sent into premature labor because of an incompetent cervix. My fiance and I are handling things fairly well but I’m not sure if I am in shock or not. I cry off and on throughout the day, everyday. I feel like I failed my son and fiance. I am only 19 and my fiance is 22 and everyone keeps saying we are young and have time. My doctor did say that this can be prevented for the next time after I become pregnant she can do a cerclage to prevent my cervix from opening to early. I really want to try again soon but then I want time to wait. It is so hard not feeling the baby move and knowing I am not pregnant anymore. I am so scared of not being able to have kids and failing once more as a mother. I have many people for support and to talk to but I still feel as if I am so alone. Knowing my son is not with me and I have no baby to look forward to having to hold. I just hope this gets better and we can successfully have another baby.
I found out I was pregnant the beginning of June. I was thrilled i even went out and bought a baby outfit. I was so excited to be a mommy..Yes I’m only 17 but I already loved my baby. How can you not love the baby you know is growing inside you? Well I started having complications so I went to the emergency room on Friday, July 5 and they did an ultrasound and said that everything was normal. I was only 6 weeks along but my baby was there. It had a strong heartbeat. They said it was healthy… On July 9, not even a week later I had horrible pain along with everything else… They did another ultrasound.. But my baby wasn’t there anymore. I just don’t understand..
My angel went to heaven at 10weeks.. 4/1/2013 I never thought I would feel this much pain . I miss him everyday that goes by. I know that he is with god but wish he was here with his sister and his dad.
Hello, it has been 5 years today since my little Lylah Denise was born sleeping. I remember coming across this site not long after I got out from the hospital, it comforted me in so many ways. I used to visit the cemetery on a weekly basis, now I make a trip once a year on her birthday. I lost her at 38 weeks, it was my last doctors appt and they found no heartbeat. For so long I was so sad. I miss her still very much. She was my 1st, I was 31. Now I have two other daughters to keep me busy on a daily basis. They are the reason I keep on going. Although they don’t give me much time to go over and over the past. They also, helped me thru. Alyzah is 3 1/2 and Lolah is 1 1/2.
In the beginning I thought everyone was crazy that said time would help and that I would have other children, but it did happen. Although her father and I broke apart because we were both so sad, it is all for the best. Sometimes I stop and think what the house would be like with 3 toddlers…Alyzah tries to be an eldest child but she is so a middle child it’s not funny. She would have been so close with big sis.
I guess I just want others to know, that you will get thru this, I did and I am not the least bit religious. Take it a day at a time. Don’t let anyone tell you anything, do it all in your own time and whatever makes you feel comfort. I used to spend day after day at the cemetery. It made me feel closer to her.
I hope this helps someone..
Also, for me: I’ve always told people that I have 3 children, and then I always explain myself. I felt like in some way it helped to honor her memory. I will always have 3 baby girls, even though ones in heaven. Last year I even walked for her in the local March of Dimes walk, we made tshirts with her name.
I love you peanut!
My name’s steph burns I found out I was pregnant on the 25 June 2013 I was 5 week I was so excited so was my partner , we went for our first scan on the 24 July 2013 it was amazing see our baby on the screen for the first time but I submit was up because they couldn’t get the measurement of the baby so they sent us up to the r v I on the 26 July 2013 we’re we were told our baby had anacephaly it was the worst new I have ever had they give us a choice to go full term or to end the pregnant it was the hardest choice to make but on the 28 July 2013 at 2·45 my baby become a angle I never forgot our angle
My name is Kim and I lost my son this year. He was 5 weeks and 4 days old 🙁 I still struggle almost everyday and im grateful for all the support of my friends and family. I am trying to raise awareness of SIDS and I’m happy that there are other websites like this one where you can share your horrible experience with people who actually what they are on about!!!
To all those who are struggling with the loss of their child stay strong even though its difficult it will always be worth it.
Kia kaha
Our first loss was in 2000. I knew something was wrong from the start and kept calling the doctor but I was just told cramps and spotting were normal. I was in a new town, newly married, and ready to start a new job when we lost our first of 4 angels. Each of our losses was followed by a healthy pregnancy, but the hurt and sadness for the babies lost never goes away. Our last loss was in 2007. But, there are days, like today, when the sadness and sense of loss are as raw as the day we lost each pregnancy. My heart aches for each and every one of you and wish you healing and peace.
We lost our little angel baby boy Mathis on august 23rd 2013 at 31 weeks along…I had felt no movement for almost 2 days when I went in to the ER, they sent me for an ultrasound and they comfirmed my worst fear…no heartbeat! We have 5 beautiful kids 2 girls and 3 boys…Mathis is our 4th boy, our 6th child…we miss him so much, it will be 1 month tomorrow and it hurts so much can’t believe this happened still feels like a long nightmare. Everything was completely normal with the pregnancy even had a 3d U/S on August 6th he was in great health, we do not have any answers. I am thinking we were in need of a guardian angel. I am glad that I found this website and that I now know about October 15th.
Hi my name is Amber I suffered a missed miscarriage back in march 2013 i was only 6 weeks but it has affected me deeply! we had 3 weeks of uncertainty and scans befor we were finally told at 6.4mm my baby had no heartbeat, i had the surgical procedure the day after mothers day and I still feel as though i am pregnant,i’m obsessed with doing pregnancy tests every month even though they are always negative but i keep feeling movement in my tummy and it sounds crazy but i am now waiting for october for my due date cause somehow i’ve convinced myself that i will have a baby even though i know i’m no longer pregnant, and i know its all in my head! no one seems to understand how much losing my baby hurt me they seem to think it can be replaced by another baby, my mother in law even said that because there was no heartbeat that there wasnt actually anything there her words were that it wasnt a baby, i then found out my sister in law was pregnant soon after i had the surgery, she was 2 weeks behind me, it feels like my baby didnt matter and it is being replaced by another. my baby should be due in the next 4 weeks and i’m not coping well at all if anything i feel more grief now than what i did at the time of the miscarriage. I just feel so lost and alone.
On Saturday morning September 16, 1988 seems like a long time to others but to me it feels like yesterday sometimes, my daughter was stillborn she was a beautiful dark haired angel and I miss her everyday I have two other children and a grandson but their is always one that will hold a special place in my heart my daughter is helping me to make a rememberance pendant for me to wear for the month of her birthdate to keep close to my heart
I lost my daughter 24 years ago on September 16, 1989 and I don,t think you ever forget it may slip from your mind sometime but it is never gone far and I think of her often Love her much
Today at 12am I got the devastating news that my 12 week pregnancy ended when my baby was 10 weeks. Being in the ER since 1pm waiting for EXAMs and the results and then to have the news that you were admitted to the hospital but with no explanation of why? Then to hear the Doctor from the ER fighting with the nurse to accompany her to tell me the bad news cause she was exhausted and had to leave since her shift ended, horrible. Told that I was being Rushed to the operating room while letting out tears with my husband while everybody else in the ER heard us since they did not told us the sad news in a private room. Thank God they gave me something to knock me out while they were doing all the procedure of taking the baby out and doing all the other stuff they have to. Also to have to cope with the idea that I cannot have more babies since my husband just recently got operated and it cannot be reversed. My eyes burn for the many times I have cried but in silence because I do not want my boy of 3 years old to keep seeing me crying, but also at the same time I need to heal but do not know how if I cannot even let out a scream and anger for loosing my pregnancy at 10 weeks old. Only pray to God to help me heal my soul and take away my anger.
God bless I know how hard it is I am really sorry this had to happen to you and that you had to feel this pain, I will keep you in my prayers, maybe our babies are flying together in heaven hand in hand god bless them both.
On June 13 2012 I lost my baby 1 year and four months ago due to a miscarriage, I was so happy I had been trying to get pregnant for a year and when it finally happened it was the best feeling in the world I used to play music and put headphones on my belly, I was so excited I had my baby’s names picked out since I was 17 I had Sophia Hope for a girl and Noah Christopher for a boy, me and my boyfriend were sooo excited and then on June 10 I went to an appointment and I saw the doctors face and I just knew something was wrong when they told me her heartbeat was extremely low and that I would have to be on bed rest, my heart broke into pieces, I had another appointment scheduled for the 13th of June and once I laid on top of the table I just knew, a mother knows her child and I knew mine I could sense the loss of her inside of me and when they told me she was gone it made it soo much more real and I thought I would have time to be sad but I didn’t because it turned out the pregnancy came with health complications and my kidneys started failing as well so they say it was a molar pregnancy and i went through dialysis and a kidney transplant but I will never blame her for that sometimes unexplainable things happen and as for what hurt me the worst my answer will always be losing Sophia I love her she was my first child and I will keep her in my heart forever the heLing process is hard not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and I’m glad she was in my life even if just for a little while. Sophia this is for you <3
My little Jeffrey Dean was born at 20 weeks. He was to be the Third child. I had waited 5 long years. It all started with a routine office visit for my ultra sound, I was getting to see my baby. But it ended 2 days later with the new my baby boy is dying. On October 18 1997, my son was born at 12:07 a.m. My husband did not deal very well, of course I had 2 other children that I had to explain to that their baby brother died. My Alyssa was 6 and Jaocb was 5. They did not understand. we muddled through life and then I found out I was going to have another baby. I knew my angel was going to watch over her. Melanie came after her brother and Makayla after that. Jeffrey would be 16 this year. I hope he has a big party in Heaven.
I just lost my first child august 30th … it’s gotten easier but I always think of my child daily… I miss the feeling inside me… the planning… the happiness
On Oct 21, 2009 I lost my son Nathaniel Alex…i was 27 weeks pregnant..its been a rollercoaster of emotions since i lost my son..when i found out i was pregnant i was 19 weeks..i went to the doctor’s nd i was able to find out if i was having a boy or a girl…they told me i was having a littl boy…i was so happy cus my family has mostly girls…i was gonna b a single mother nd i was so streeed out..a month later i met my husband nd he was willing to take care of my son as his own..on Oct 20th i started to feel pain in my tummy…i thought it was just gas so i went to sleep..i woke up the next morning nd the pain got extremely worse..i tried calling everyone to take me to the hospital..no one was able to take me..i had no choice but to take the bus..by the time i got to the hospital i was already 10 cm..my son came out so tiny in the bag…it hurts til this day that i dnt have my son with me.. he is now my little angel watching over me..
My Oldest daughter was 11and my youngest was 7 and we were all overjoyed to find out they were having a brother, especially my husband because it was going to be his first child and a SON. Everything was great, going along smoothly too smoothly, and then it hit when I was about 11 weeks I started to bleed. The doctors and others said it was nothing and just to keep an eye on it. Well I did.I lay around, relaxed and it never stopped. It just got worse. I went for ultrasounds every week to keep an eye on the baby but when my fluid started to leak (by the way the ultrasound women and doctor knew about but never told me) it was only a matter of time. I was sent home with the last picture and image of my son 12hrs before he would be born, looking big and healthy and amazing. I woke up around midnight having bad cramps, but I was in denial and was not giving in. I woke up many times with the pain getting worse but I was still convinced this was not happening to me not after so long of wanting and needing this baby so bad. The last straw was waking up in a bad sweat not being able to control my pain and shaking , it was time to go to the hospital. The worst part is you think the hospital is there to help you! I arrived at the ER at 4:15am and there was NO ONE to help me NO doctors NO nurses NO ONE!!! I was screaming for help and ended up giving birth to my son in the wheelchair I was sitting in. Finally after 10 min someone came and brought me to a room where they confirmed my worst fear and biggest nightmare I had lost my son. I almost died that night along with my son, My vitals were so low and I had lost so much blood I need a transfusion to keep me alive. I lay in that hospital for 3 days in the Maternity ward of all places listening to all the new babies and seeing all the happy parents…all I could think was how cruel of them to put me here. The part that stands out the worst for me was the day I had to leave, my husband brought me a summer dress to wear and as I put it on I no longer had my pregnancy belly. It was like a slap in the face, reality hit me, he was gone. Going home and having to tell my older daughters their brother was not coming home was not easy, they didn’t understand or want to understand. It’s not like they were 2 and it would blow over, no they were grown and cried and it was so sad to see the hurt in their eyes and to know they have to experience this pain along with us. It has been a year and a half since my son has been gone and I just still feel so lost. I don’t know when I should feel better , if I should feel better or what better even is. I can’t talk about babies I can’t look at the stuff I had for him, I can’t even be around pregnant women. I not only suffered the loss of my son but the tragedy of the way it happened will always make it worse. The neglect from the hospital and being lied to by the doctors and everyone involved who knew something was wrong but wouldn’t admit to it has made my healing so much harder cause the anger I have. It is really hard to let go of. I have a daily argument with myself because my heart and head are at war. My head knows it’s not healthy to feel this and be so angry but as a mother my heart feels like myself and helpless baby were not protected by the people I was suppose to be able to trust. I just want him back, I just want answers, I just want to know he is ok, I just want to hold him and tell him I love him, I just want this pain to stop! But again my head knows all these answers, he’s ok , he’s safe, when I say I love him he hears me. I had a dream my grandfather came to me and had my son was with him and it has made me feel better but I wish that was me holding him instead. I feel for each and every one of you and I am so so so sorry that any of us even need this page. I ask for some prayers for my peace of mind and for the gift of another child. In the year and a half since my son has been gone we have tried but unsuccessfully have not been able to get pregnant again. It almost feels like another war brewing I don’t know how to feel. Do I want another child? what if it happens again? I don’t know if I could handle the stress of the not knowing, and being scared my whole pregnancy that something may go wrong. It’s so scary but If god brings you to it he will help you through it, I got a keychain that says that so let’s pray it’s right. I appreciate anyone reading this and allowing me to vent I have so much built up emotion I don’t know where to put it sometimes and this is a load off for sure Thank you so much. I pray for you all xoxo
i was pregnant with my third child we saw a heartbeat i was about 9 weeks then to find out i was having twins but i knew something was wrong. your body can feel it . i made an appointment with my doctor i went to get an u/s and yes confirmed that it was twins but i knew i kept asking question and she couldnt tell me because she was not the doctor. I went home waiting for the phone call from my doctor. She told me yes they were twins but there was no heartbeat on either baby. That broke my heart to hear that. That was the first time it had happened to me. this was back in march 2013 . I miss the feeling of being pregnant because it is one of the most beautiful things in life. To bring another life into this world. but i know they are in a good place now i will never forget them.
Hi everyone,
Wow, first of all I cannot believe I am alone in this as I thought I was….to read all your messages and see that this happens, no matter who you are, and that you must never think “that will never happen to me”. On 6 August 2013 my beautiful Isabella was born at 34 weeks. We were a bit scared that she came so early but were also elated that she was finally here. She was such a trooper, getting stronger and stronger each day…Then came 12 August 2013, 6 days later…I went in to see her and the doctor did’nt look as happy as he always was…and I knew something was wrong. He assured me they are doing everything but there seems to be an infection. For the whole half an hour I stayed with her, her eyes were wide open and she kept looking at me. I was asked to step outside as the specialists want to look at her. Not even an hour later she passed away. The infection got into her bowel, her immune system was too weak to fight it and it took over her body. Neonatal Sepsis is what the medical term is of her death. I cannot explain how many seconds in each day I blame myself for her death. If only my body was stronger, maybe I did too much during my pregnancy, with the UTI that I had, maybe I passed it to her….We have a son who is 3 and even he understands what has happened. He was confused at first but now he talks about her daily as if he is actually seeing her and playing with her, although he has never met her, only via photos did he see her. I had a miscarriage in the beginning of last year but didnt know I was pregnant, then in April 2012 I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured, I almost died but survived it by the Grace of God. Now this happened….it makes me very scared to think about trying again, although we want to, but I need to heal first because I had a C-Section. It is just really terrifying of thinking to go through this again, and what if it happens again? I miss her terribly and still dont really feel like it actually happened. I dont even know what to do with her clothes and blankets and stuff, I have just stored it for now…It makes me very sad to read all of these posts and know there are so many mommy’s out there with bleeding hearts!
Hello Everyone, My Name Is Bree I am 19 years old and I lost my angel princess Taylor at 20 weeks. The Monday before I had her I just found out that it was a little girl. My mom and I we’re so happy. I couldn’t come up with name for nothing lol so I had to ask my Facebook family. My mom and I settled for Taylor Nicole which Nicole is my sister’s middle name. I was so excited of having someone who was going to be calling me mommy. Saturday night I got into the shower because I wasn’t feeling good. After I got out I started to feel really sharp pains and they would come and go. So I went to the bathroom and I seen pink liquid, so I ran to call my hospital and they said come in right away. On the ride there all I could do is pray and ask God to please just save my baby. On December 9th @ 10:50 Taylor Nicole was born and weighed in at 10 oz. I just talked with my child and let her know that mommy loves you and always will. At 1:30 Taylor was Pronounced dead. Me being so young I didn’t know how to take losing a child. I still pray to God this day and ask him to help me be strong. In two months is her angel anniversary and as time is getting closer I feel weaker. What are something’s you guy’s do to help cope?
Today I looked at her picture and it was like a dagger in my heart all over again. I love her so much! I wish I could have just 5 minutes to hold her again and to tell her I love her. My 2 year old son just saw me crying and he asked me,” happened mommy?” I told him I missed sissy and he said, “mommy I kiss it! Where at?” I pointed to my heart and he kissed me. That made me feel better. Although we lost Elizabeth prior to having Xander, I know in my heart that my children know one another. She’s always with us. I can feel her within me. I can’t wait to be with her again!
I wrote this poem for KJ, Kendal Janae Edwards, who was stillborn on October 7, 2005. She would’ve been 8 years old now. I carried her 33 1/2 weeks and she will never be forgotten. I now have two little girls; Berkley is 4 and Meagan is 6. I remind myself this time of year that I am very lucky!
Poem: Complete Hope
While on earth, I will never hear your voice
Or know your favorite ice cream choice.
I will never dance with you in the rain
Or help you with your boo boos and your pain.
While on earth, I will never know the color of your eyes
Or be able to introduce you to yummy French fries.
For where you are is where I strive to be one day
When I say goodbye to this life and gladly head your way.
For in Heaven, we will dance, laugh and sing
And continually fly high without needing a single wing.
While on earth, I will never hear your voice
Or know your favorite football team choice.
But one day in Heaven, our family will finally be complete
And I will never have to wonder again what it will be like when we all meet.
Melanie,
I appreciate you sharing your story and I am sorry for your loss. I hope we all learn how to live with what’s happened to us. Thank you for sharing your poem. It’s beautiful and it gave me a sense of peace.
On May 4th 2007 I lost my baby. I was almost 15 weeks. It took me years to go through this. I had a baby 2008 and i gave up everything to just have her. I found reading peoples stories helped me. I joined support groups and read what everything others are going through. I seen that what I had wasnt and different. The big problem I had was family did not want to talk to me. When I cried people would walk away like omg when will it stop. I dont need people to say anything. I just need to cry and remember. I wrote her a note. I had the test and an appointment card remembering when I was suppose to find out info. The only thing I found out was my baby died. She did not split and a twin that should have been was a baby girl that could not change the way she should have. People do not understand. But reading and writing others helped me. Though I think I spent 6 months up all night trying to get through it. Then every day after I had 5 kids who did not understand and just learned to stop asking. But sometimes you will find a friend who will be a life long friend. One who made me a card and a braclet for my lil one though she would never wear it. Lilly was gonna be her name. She was due Nov 3rd and this is why this part of the year is hard.
First I want to say how sorry I am to hear of the losses you’ve had endured. I’m 35 years old and my husband and I have been trying for about 4 years to have our family. I am going through our 6th loss. I’ve had 5 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy. We’ve been through what we’ve been told all the testing and we both come back normal. We are being pushed in the direction of IUI which we’ve done the beginning of this year and it failed or Invitro. We get pregnant on our own, but I cannot carry past 6 1/2-7 weeks. This last time I was on progesterone early on and my 1st 3 HCG levels were great for the 1st time ever and was scheduled for our 1st ultrasound this past Wed, then the HCG suddenly dropped, I never made it for the ultrasound. I pray for answers as to why I cannot carry past this time frame. I just do not see how IUI or Invitro would work. Anyone else have any advice? I’ve been told that Vitex vitamins and Royal Jelly could help?
On the 3rd Sept this year I had an ultrasound and my baby boy Lukas had a strong heart. On the 6th Sept I had a check up and his heart had stopped. I was 37 weeks pregnant.
My precious angel was born on 7th Sept. His birth was the most painful thing I have ever experienced, both physically and emotionally but he was born naturally and I wouldnt have it any other way.
His big sister held him within 10 mins of his birth and his daddy and I spent a few hours just holding him. I have photos and foot and hand prints and am grateful that I have something. A lot of people who experience such a painful loss dont even get that.
I have found that my grief has led to a need to share my son with the world. I have posted pictures on Facebook and will talk to anyone who will listen about him and his birth. I cry for him every day but sharing my baby has made my sorrow more bearable even after this short time.
To celebrate him we had an afternoon in a park with balloons, face painting and playing kids. I was surrounded by family and friends who have held me up and who had welcomed Lukas in to their worlds long before his birth. They have allowed me to mourn and cry and talk and not one of them has turned away from me.
I am grateful that I was chosen to be Lukas’s mummy and that he has taught me to embrace every day and that even while we grieve there is always a reason to celebrate.
Tonight I lit a candle to remember him and all the other angel babies who are forever loved and never forgotten.
I lost a beautiful baby girl this Sunday at 19 weeks cause ofdeath was a cord accident. I had to go through a natural delivery yesterday . I completely numb and so very very heart sore and looking for ways to cope . Thank you for sharing our stories , it’s nice to know I am not alone
Hi everyone, my name is Megan and I lost my pregnancy on March 7 this year. I was only 7 weeks along, had knownfor 2 weeks. I had never wanted children, the pregnancy was a surprise . I was off birth control for one month while I waited for a new insurance policy to kick in. It was the happiest me and my husband ever had. I started spotting lightly on March 3rd, went immediately to the doctor and told him I was also having mild cramps and bad shoulder pain. H sent me home, told me I was fine. By the 7th (the day before my birthday)I was in the hospital with the worst pain I had ever felt. The pregnancy was ectopic and had ruptured my fallopian tube, I had been bleeding internally for over a week. I’m lucky I went to the hospital when I did, I could have died from blood loss. While I’m happy to be alive, not a day passes that I don’t think about the little life that I lost. I know now that I want a child, desperately, but fear that it will happen again. They removed the tube so now it will be harder to conceive when we are ready. I just want other women to know to trust their instincts, when something feels wrong do everything you can to fix it. That pregnancy was doomed, but if I hadn’t trusted the first doctor they could have saved the tube. The er staff was shocked that a doctor had missed all the signs (the shoulder pain, low hormone levels, and an empty uterus -he should have recognized what was happening and not sent me home telling me the pregnancy was fine, just to small to show on ultrasound). Take care of yourselves, and speak up if you need too.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over a year when we found out I was pregnant. We were over joyed for those few wonderful weeks we even had an early ultrsound and saw the heart beat. That was the most amazing thing I ever seen! Then on October 26th I started bleeding so my husband took me to the ER and we discovered the baby no longer had a heartbeat. Devestation can’t begin to explain how I felt at that moment. This is the hardest thing we have ver delt with. Some days I feel ok and others I don’t even get out of bed. I feel so guilty and can’t stop blamming myself and am so angry because I don’t understand why this happened to us. I may have only been 9 weeks but we loved out baby so much and my heart continues to break every day. Yet at the same time I find myself longing to be pregnant again and to have a baby in my arms.
My husband and I miscarried at 7 weeks almost three years ago. We were devastated however nothing compares to the pain we are currently experiencing. A year after our miscarriage we found out that both my tubes are blocked and our only option was IVF. After complications from the egg retrieval we eventually were blessed with a pregnancy and the ivf craziness was behind us. On June 27th we found out we were pregnant and two weeks after that we found out we were having twins. My husband and I had a feeling both the embryos they inserted took. All pretty much was going well with one incident of spotting and since I am RH negative I was giving the rhogam shot. We found out at 41/2 months that we were having a boy and girl which I felt from the beginning. My husband and I thought our dreams had finally come true, everything was going well. At five months I went to labor and delivery because my stomach hurt like I had to go number two. I did not wait plus I live 5 minutes form Kaiser. The dr checked me and said I was fully dialated. What?? I had no symptoms! Dr said there was nothing they could do because the babies were not viable. It was so hard to digest. The babies were healthy but my cervix was gone and they said I could get sick if I didn’t deliver them. My babies were born on 10/13/13 and they both lived for about 4 hours. It was bittersweet as I got to meet them, kiss them, love them, and talk to them. I would give up ANYTHING to have them back. I struggle everyday!
Hello everyone my name is shaidon I had a miscarriage 15 October 2013
It was my first pregnancy and I was 16 weeks pregnant I was so happy about having a baby till the 15 october 2013.
im really sorry to hear of the losses
may God bless you all.
Sunday, I gave birth to my angel Frances Mikel. She was born at 34 weeks and passed as a result of a cord accident. It came as a complete shock to us. She was our first girl of 5 older boys. We had our princess. I woke up Saturday to not feeling her moving. I felt a sense of doom. I prayed and begged her to move. An ultrasound confirmed our fears. My labor was induced and we delivered the next afternoon. We had her baptized and even got to have a god friend help clean her up and get professional photos. Our support is amazing! My husband has fielded the phone calls and intercepted questions I just don’t feel like dealing with. Leaving the hospital was almost traumatizing. I felt like I was leaving her behind even though the funeral home had called and said she was in their care still swaddled in her pink blanket with her teddy bear slippers. They had reassured us they were going to take great care of her but I was still leaving her behind in my heart. I was ready to be with my boys however. After getting home, the next hurdle was to enter my bedroom which her nursery was connected too. My husband held my hand when I was ready to take that journey and we went in. I immediately felt lost. I scurried around straightening the room that had been left untidy when we had left in a hurry Saturday afternoon. As the days have gone on I find myself angry that I couldn’t protect her. I am a labor delivery nurse. I teach my patients warning signs ALL OF THE TIME! I don’t know where to start with plans or thoughts or regular living. I don’t like my body. She should still be there. Growing and getting ready. I feel guilty for feeling uncomfortable during these last few weeks. I hate crying in front of my boys. I want to be strong. I feel like my husband is holding back a breakdown and it’s because he’s protecting me. I’m frustrated that I’m starting to letdown. I want her back!!! I did everything right!!! She looked so perfect. I want to wake up to hold her, change her, nurse her. I want to leave everything in her nursery as it is. How do I move on?!!
Hello I know how it feel never getting to hold your child or hearing him speak or cry but I realize my child is perfect in God eyes I wake up sometimes feeling empty and I just pray because I know God will bless with a nother child one day. I carried my son for 9 months healthy baby boy. July 4th when I ga
ve birth to my first child 3 days later I became sick I had an fever 106 which is normal after giving birth I couldn’t break the fever my son was sick as well with an fever 103 the doctors couldn’t understand why we was sick our organ began to failureso they started running every test to see what was wrong our results come back in a
they found that we have herpes I cried and cried I gave it to him I was going to have him natural but I only reached 9 cm so I had to have an c-section. my son lived for 42
Lived for 42 days I couldn’t eat I didn’t want anyone around my all I wanted was my child I felt so guilty year before I got pregnant with my son I had an abortion I use to ask the lord why but I understand more I still miss him I still cry I still feel all the pain but my faith keeps me going why he gave me a second chance in life to do things correctly I cnt wait til I have more kids
My daughter has lost two due to miscarriage. But we have the hope that
both are in Heaven with Our Loving Savior. We rejoice in this. We don’t understand why but the Dear Lord Knows.
I love the beautiful bracelet I got my daughter it is so lovely and I thank you for it.
On March 5, 2011 my whole world changed. I was 20 weeks pregnant and went into preterm labor. I was in labor for 12 hours, that night haunts me everyday. Sometimes I wish that those thoughts and my grief would just go away, so I can feel as happy as I felt before losing her.
I lost my beautiful angel, Lillian. The three year anniversary of the loss is coming soon. I think about her everyday. My grief comes and goes, at times, it is so deep that I cry like I lost her yesterday. It seems hard for my family to understand how I am feeling and I do not want to burden them with my feelings. I can see the sadness on their faces when I mention how sad the loss of my Lily makes me feel. It makes me feel isolated and misunderstood. I will never stop loving my dear angel. I just wish it didn’t hurt so bad after three years.
Hello! On March 2013 we found out we were pregnant! It was my first pregnancy and at first my husband and I were so scared at first. At around 8 weeks and a half the problems started.. I started bleeding and then had blod clots.. I was diagnosed with Antiphospholipid syndrome, so i had strict bed rest..everything was going perfect had almost no bleeding when at 21 and a half weeks my water broke. Went to the hospital to see what the doctors could do.. they tol me to wait and see if we can make it to 24 weeks, because only at that time the baby could have a chance to survive! I drank all the water you an imagine i tried no to move an inch. but God had a different plan for us. On Tuesday August 13th 2013 i had to have an micro c-sectión. I cried and just prayed for my baby to be ok.. but deep down knew there was nothing i could do. I just wanted to see him and hold him.. but that want posible because the epidural didnt work on me so they had to give me general anesthesia. My husband, my mom and mother in law got to see him and say goodbye. My son lived for about an hour. Til this day i can´t get over it. There are no words to describe the emptiness o hurt I feel not having him here today! I had bought some clothes for him.. my husband had to hide everything we bought because i cant bring myself to see his stuff. What gives me some peace is that he is my Angel and that him and my grandfather are together. My little baby boy Jorge Nicolas you will never be forgotten and mommy loves you more than anything in this world! We will be together again, i promise you this. Te amo.
My name is Alyssa Anaya. I’m 19 years old. I lost my baby boy, James, on October 15th. I was going to be included bc my baby was getting to long, my boyfriend is tall so our baby was going to be too. The week before, I had a doctors appointment and they told me my baby was healthy and everything was going to be okay. The day I was going to be induced they did a sonogram to see how much he had grown in the past week. When they did they couldn’t find his heart beat. That was the worst thing anyone has ever told me. I was so angry that there was nothing I could do to save him.
My husband and myself lost our baby boy at 16 weeks on February 19th 2014 he was perfect we got to hold him and my nurse was able to get us a set of his footprints and we named him Bryson.. its the hardest and saddest thing that either of us has been through… It was our first child and it took us eight years… Its still so hard to talk about our emotions are like a rollercoaster… There seems to be no light at the end of this tunnel… Our heart goes out to everyone who have lost there babies and im so glad that there is a day in remembrance for our babies…
i just lost my little boy, i was 5months into the pregnancy and they put me into labour early, my little man didn’t survive labour, i can’t help but sit here and blame myself, i miss him so much and i keep telling myself he was needed more up in heaven than he was down with me but i need him in my arms again, i don’t know how to carry on anymore, rest in peace angel mummy loves you trillions x
Year 2003 I found out i was pregnant. I was so happy i found out it was a girl. I would of have 3 girls. Then the time came I was 9 months pregnant and was going to be induced. When nurses hook me up they noticed there was no heartbeat. I had just felt her kick 5 hours ago. I gave birth to my beautiful 6 pound daughter Alyza but did not cry, did not move not even a smile. I held her in my arms for hours and hours. I coulnt believe what was going on with me. I loved her so much. I was angry then I question (never got answers) but now my Alyza would of been 10 years old. I only have 2 pictures of her and always kiss her at night and when I’m feeling down i always talk with her. My angel will always be with me. Sadness will never go away.
Hello All, I do not even know where to begin. After a year of fertility we became pregnant 11/30/2013. after 2 months, our little angel was taken to heaven. It was a devastating experience. I knew it was going to be a boy. Not sure why since it was our first pregnancy. We are still trying to move forward. However, it has been difficult when our loved ones and friends are pregnant. Though we do not want to rob of them of their joy, its really not about us. I am thankful to 2 of our friends that informed me about this webpage. I look forward to move forward and for the next walk as we heal.
Hello to all lost my 1st baby July 9th 1975 she was full term but she was breach, the doctorers did not tell us untile she had died that she was breach or We would have made theam do a c section her neck was brooken during delivery.i never got to hold her or see her they bearied her and i went home to a empty cribe she weaied in at 7lb.and 5 os. even tho it has been 39 years it stile hurts every year that comes around i use to have a pictuer of her my husbend took at the funrule but i lost that picther over the years moving around so much.we did have a son whom I am so gratfule for and then agine we lost our 3rd baby and girl she died at 8 months then they told us we should not try agine for it would be taking a chance on my life and our baby,s life so I got my tubes cut and tied. under there advise. over the years i have sufferd a lot of depression.
I lost my beautiful baby girl Adalynn on March 4th 2014 what should had been the happiest day of my life became the worse after going into labor at 40 weeks and 4 days thinking everything was completely okay then after arriving at the hospital and into labor and delivery the doctor then tells me they have lost my baby’s heartbeat was the worst feeling in the world. Then coming home without her was even harder. Though I remember my angel every day I was glad to find there is a special day to remember my angel baby with other mother’s who have been through the samething. There is nothing worse than losing a child. But even though I didnt want to give her up God let me hold and kiss that angel for just a little bit. Mammy loves you Adalynn forever in my heart!
I lost my Angel baby on 04/04/14.. I Started having headaches everday, untill one day I started having cramps like a period.. Then I started to bleed, I went to the doctors and they did a ultrasound.. There was no heartbeat or anything on the screen . that was the worst thing I had ever seen in my life. I can’t help but feel like it was my fault , can’t help but feel like I should have taken better care of myself or that I should have known something was wrong. . it cry every day, I hold my child’s things and think of what life would have been with my baby .. I know my angel baby is up in hevan while god takes care of him/her.. I am a mom to a child with wings, I will carry you in my heart since I can not in my arms. Rest in peace mommy love you so much xoxoxoxo
On July of 2012, I lost my twins. I didn’t even know the gender of either of my babies until they were delivered the next day after that. It still pains me to say how I lost them so I won’t even talk about it til this day. All I will talk about is the happy moments I spent with them after their birth. My son, Caleb Owen, passed away first. We went in for a ultrasound on the 5th to see how his sister, Charlotte Olivia, was doing before we delivered him. But we soon found out that we had lost her too. Two days later, I gave birth to my baby boy and my baby girl. They shared the same length: 5.2in. Caleb weighed 4oz., Charlotte weighed 4.2oz. I will never forget my little sunshines, and I will never forget seeing those two lines of nothing but loss. -Casey
I would also like to say that every week we go to their grace site and I will sing “You Are My Sunshine” to them. They were buried in the same casket holding hands and clutching two coins with angels on them. We change out their flowers every Monday and give each of them a new pacifier and sit it on their side of the grave. I love you guys! RIP Caleb Owen and Charlotte Olivia. -Casey xoxo
Hi im jessica. I am 20 years old. I found I was pregnant with my first child in February 3rd, 2014. I was about 19 when i found out, 3 days away from my birthday. I went to my doctor for a physical that day and she said I was pregnant and she said I was about 7 weeks. Me and my boyfriend of 4 years, we were excited about the news. When i told him the news, he wouldnt stop touching my stomach. Two days later I was at target looking for baby clothes for a great friend of mine, her baby shower was days away so I had gone to get her a gift. As I was looking for a gift I started cramping and I remember my doctor saying cramping is normal so I ignored it. As I was driving home, the cramping kept getting worse and worse, I also started getting back pain as well. I got home and I went to the restroom, I was bleeding alot. When I saw the amount of blood , i knew I was having a miscarriage. I went to the er, I didnt wanna believe it. After they did so many test, hours later the doctor told me I had a miscarriage, they found no heart beat on the ultra sound. I had the miscarriage that night on February 5, 2014. It was the day before my birthday. I will never forget it. Till this day I cry everynight. My boyfriend has gotten over it and is doing better but I cant seem to ever forget it. I have gotten depress about it. my friends are now having babies and its hard to talk to them or see them with their babies. Its amazing how something so tiny that youve never met or got to hold but knowing they were growing in your belly, you just fall in love with them instantly. For the past month ive been dreaming I had a boy and I named him after my boyfriend and I actually got to see him and held him in my dream. He had nice blue eyes with light brown hair, he looked just like my boyfriend, he was so beautiful. I was suppose to be due in September 22nd, 2014 . I would have been about 32 weeks pregnant right now. I cry every day and blame myself for it. All i wanna do is just be in bed all day and not leave my room. I havent been able to talk to anyone about this. i try talking about it with my boyfriend but he just doesnt seem to like talking about it either. In going to school right now for medical assistant, im half ways done. There are times when I just cry when im at school, I just wanna be at home in bed. After 5 months of my miscarriage, im still a mess. I didnt tell any of my family besides my parents and my older brother. I was gonna wait till I was about 3 months to tell the rest of my family and friends. I really wanted this baby. And im not ready to have another baby for awhile, I told myself I was never gonna have another baby after I had my miscarriage but id love to be a mom one day but im just scared im going to have have another miscarriage. I dont wanna lose another baby. Im planning to try in a few years, im hoping everything turns out good. Im sorry for your loss to all the beautiful ladies out there. Rest In Peace to our little angels♡
Im Vivian Briones and i recently had a misscarage. Atleast thats what they ( doctors) call it. I was with my partner for almost 3 years ofcourse on & off but we managed to stick together & we created a handsome baby boy. When i found out i was pregnant i was felling all kinds of emotions, i wasen’t sure if it was the right time or how much trouble i could be getting myself into since i was only 17. I dont believe in abortion, so i knew that’s not what i wanted to do. I took about 8 home pregnancy test & came to the conculion i was definetly pregant. I imedetly told my partner anad we were both very happy & excited . I was bit terffied to tell my family since they had always been so strict. So that lead to telling his family the big news. They were beyound excited, we all wanted a baby boy so we all talked & talked about having a baby boy in our lives. Finally a week later i had the courge to tell my family, ofcouse just like any other parents they were very dissopinted but very supportive and excited. They couldnt believe the first grandchild was on its way! My step-mother and I imedetly made a doctors appt. My docotor sechuled me an appt by then i was already 8 weeks. For the first time i came to the meaning of unconditional love i heard my very own child’s heatbeat. I had never been so happy in my life when i saw my baby for the first time in an ultrasound i fell inlove & couldn’t think of anything better, i knew god had blessed me with the best. At 12 weeks & 3 days i started spotting (very light) i was so scared, cause as far as i knew i wasent suppose to bleed during a pregnancy so i ran to my step-mom & quickly went to the ER & after all the blood work done i was told my harmones were very high but due to the bleeding it was possible for a threated miscarrage. Never did i think i would go through something like this, i cried and cried for days. It only made me take care of myself 10x better. Days,weeks,months past by and everything was noraml my pregnancy was going GREAT! At 18 weeks i found out it was a BOY! Everyone was so excited! I starting planning everything with my baby boy i knew his name of the bat, Andres Perez. Just to know that 4 weeks later i would be in a hospital bed delivering him. It started off as a light bleeding i didnt thinks so much of it for the fact that i was already 5 months, but little did i know after 2 days of light spotting .. very heavy bleeding started. I imedetly attended to the hospital & they send me to labor & delievery i knew at that momment something was wrong. My water broke 2 hrs after doctors couldnt do anything but try to comfort me due to i was having my preious baby boy at 21 weeks & 2 days! My lovely son only lived for 5 minutes.. he was not ready. He had already stopped growing at 14 weeks. Nothing was fully deveoped. He was the tiniest baby i had ever layed my eyes on. Still to this day i cant get over it & not many people understand my pain, hurt or anything im going through enotionally. Andres Perez was born June 5th, 2014 & the pain is still brand new.
Hello,
I wish I knew about this website years ago. My son Chase would have been 8 today. He was born October 3 , 2006 at 5:04 am, I was 24 weeks pregnant. That was the day my whole world turned upside down. It’s like a nightmare that I play over & over in my mind. I know now that there’s nothing I could have done to change the situation , but it took me a long time to realize it. I blamed myself for a long time & lost a piece of myself that day. I had 2 other boys at the time, that I delivered by C-section. So knowing I was going to have to deliver a baby naturally , and knowing that there was nothing anyone could do to save him, sent me into a bad depression of anger, guilt, hatred. Holding a child in your arms, who looks like a baby, has 10 fingers, 10 toes and appears to be perfect but small is very hard to wrap around your head and heart. There is not a day that goes by that a don’t think about him, what he would be doing, what he would be like. It still hurts my heart so much, there is a piece missing which I don’t think , you ever get back. I know I do have an Angel in heaven and he is watching over me and his family. I had a ceremony for him and his ashes sit in an urn on my fireplace. I know this seems so depressing, but it ‘s a comfort to know that there our other people out there feeling the same way. Life goes on and maybe one day , you get lucky and at 45years old you find out you are pregnant with a baby girl , and as I’m writing this , I’m looking at my 21month old and I can say Yes I am Blessed! Thanks for listening to my story.
I discovered this website while I was researching something else online. My heart goes out to all of the mothers, fathers, families and friends of these little children who left our world too soon.
I am involved with an organization you might have heard of called “Garden of Innocence.” We provide funerals and burials for babies who were still-born and left at hospitals (most of “our” babies) or in some cases babies who who were abandoned and later found. We assume that someone out there loved and loves them, misses them and will never forget them, but for a variety of reasons, those “someones” have not claimed and buried these babies, so we sort of become their “families” and give them a dignified, loving, solemn but joyful burial.
“Garden of Innocence” is a national, all-volunteer organization; most of the 15-20 GOI groups are in west coast cities. On our website (Gardenofinnocence.org) you can find a wealth of photographs and information about what we do and why we do it (example: I live in Fresno, CA, and we have a service coming up on Oct. 25. I’m the music coordinator, one of many volunteers).
Know that we share with you the conviction that every person and every life matters, no matter how small the person or how short the life.
Dec 3 will be a year since I lost my baby girl. She was born with a bad heart. I’m trying to see where I can go and talk about her and what I’m going through. I’m just starting to talk about her and it’s getting harder and harder to do. It seems like it was just yesterday.
Let me start by saying Thank you ! On October 15,2014 at 10pm I gave birth to DEZIREE ELISE STARRETT. My precious baby! She was my dream come true but my dream became my nightmare. There was no heart beat and no cry. I was in heaven. Things didn’t sink in until I was informed on what we could do. Sure didn’t seem like much . As if my child wasn’t anything just because she was 28 weeks old one pound three ounces and twelve inches long !! She is my sign big things come in small packages!!! When things began hitting me at the hospital my heart stopped when I found out 10/15 was the national rememberance day ! The day I birthed my girl and gave her a big kiss and let out that cry of pain heart break ! Not my baby ! Just know, we are never alone. I believe in God and he needed my girl and needed me for some purpose.. What I’m not for sure yet but I do know God loves us all and things happen for a reason we may not see or understand. Believe and have faith for this is only the now heaven is eternity!
When God calls little children
to dwell with him above.
We mortals sometimes questions
the wisdom of his love.
for no heartache compares with
the death of one small child,
who does so much to make our world
seems wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling
the aged to His fold.
So He picks a rosebud
before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them
and so He takes but few,
to make the land of Heaven
more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult
still somehow we must try.
The saddest word mankind know
will always be “Goodbye”.
So when a child departs
we who are left behind,
must realize God loves children,
Angels are hard to find.
hello.my name is damian and my wifes name is phillipa.we live in bunnythorpe,a small town just out of palmerston north,new zealand.
we have recently had a great loss of our own.my wife had a minor illness…a bug if you will which led to complications with her type one diabetes which led to ketoacidtosis.i very nearly lost them both.however phillipa is on the mend and our little man (nickname buddy) was stillborn by ceaserean section.we have had the last few days with buddy beside us in hospital looking after him and having immediate family come visit him.he is just the most perfect adorable little guy.he is very much loved by us all.buddy went for a trip to wellington yesterday for his autopsy so we are hoping to get some answers on some of our many questions sometime in the months to come.once my darling wife has recovered physically and out of hospital we can look forward to planning a celebration of buddy with our people.we have lots of support around us so we are luckier than some in this regard.
to all others who have the same pain we do i hope you are doing ok and are able to keep the precious memory of your little one alive in your heart.
i am a builder and one of those rugged manly man sort of guys but im not ashamed to say i will cry whenever i feel like it.my pain is real.
it feels good to writ e this stuff down so im glad of that.
all the best to you.
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{ 128 comments… read them below or add one }
I just lost my Angel, Gianna, at 25 weeks on 5/3/12! She was born into heaven!! I miss her so much!! I think about her everyday, but it is good to know that there is a day when I can join other parents who have experienced a loss in remembering our babies!!
Amen, you have a good out look on things I know the pain is there and all but you know your baby is awaiting you in Heaven that is what is important.
My name is Heather. I’m 25 years old and I lost my angel at 2 months on March 5 2012. It was the worst feeling in the world and Im still not over it. I have days where all i want to do is cry and not get out of bed. but I then think about my beautiful angel wouldnt want me to do that. So with the help from my friends and family i make it through the day. Im so glad that I can join this group and show support to all of those who have been in the same situation that i was in.
i am so sorry i know that day well my newborn daughter passed an hour after birthon that very day i have 2 others to keep me going then one on the way i have gotten to where i can talk about her and look at her pictures and i know she is better off i find talking about her helps some one told me that no matter where or what is going on that she always knows we are missing her that helps to know we have to carry on so our little ones memory contuines to help others espically when we can post on sites like this
Hang in there sweet heart it will get better. The Pain stays for sure but with God you learn to realize later in life that there is a reason for everything. Maybe you don’t see it now but you will one day I promise. If you ever need to talk I will listen. Give it to God and let him give you peace.
I too have lost my angel on Feb 27th, 2012 at 9 weeks. Its been quite tough however we are now carrying another baby and I keep wondering if both my babies have met. This is definitely one situation in which if one has not been through is hard to understand. So happy to see a day of open remembrance this month as my baby would have been born this month. Although sex was not confirmed, the dream i had after the day we found out showed me that an Angel came to take my baby and wrapped her in pink, so for this reason, my Angel, Fayte I know was my baby girl.
Hi my name is Imari. i am 15 weeks pregnant as you read this and within a month the doctors believe i will lose my child or they will have to terminate my pregnancy. my water broke and the baby has no fluid around it to prevent any infections. i knew something was wrong when i would have to change my panties 4 times a day. went to the hospital about 3 weeks ago and they never told me anything. yesterday i found out this news…. and all i can do is cry…..my angel would be here Christmas Day. for the rest of my life christmas will never be the same…..this is the worse pain i have ever felt. idk how i will make it…. i wanted this baby so bad…,. and as im writing this im crying…… idk what to do next…what to think….im so broken…..its a rare possiblitiy i could carry this baby without any health issues but the doctors told me to prepare myself for the worse. now im on bed rest basically waiting for my child to die inside of me…. im so mad at myself because there is nothing i did to cause this or nothing i can do to get the fluid back but i find my self crying and still urinating…. i can produce those kinda fluids but not the kind to save my child….. the doc told me by now i shoulda been feeling my baby move and i havent….i havent felt nothing….. im hurting so bad….. i cant understand what i did for this to happen ….i find myself crying so much i get sick….i feel so helpless…i cant help my child. i feel like ive failed my child as a mother.
sweetheart there is nothing you did that caused this i was in your situation i was 18 weeks when they told me my daughter was not going to survive i carried ther to 33 weeks with a lot hopes and still lost her i lost her cause of a rare genetic deffect she got from her father this has nothing to do with you as a mother or failing your child this just happens i know that dont help but its true there is a reason for that little one to live or die i sit here in tears and write this i had some of the same feelings you are having so i know i really do dont give up hope just be ready and if the baby dont survive celbrate anyways cause you have reason to carry that memory on to help others to love that child eithr on eart or in heaven that baby will know your love
Wow, I feel your pain loud and clear. I truely don’t know what to say except for you to read my blog and know that I do truely understand. I am here for you my email address is tdmsapplekitchen@hotmail.com if you want to talk. I am also on facebook if you want to look me up on there. My prayers are with you. Trust in the Lord and his Word. He is the only one that can give you strength and peace to carry on. Be strong and Know God is with you.
hi my name is cheryl how are you ? i truly know how you feel trust me !! i never shared my story before but here we go .. my son was miscarried at 5 mnths pregant when my son was lost due to domestic violence where my water broke but the hospital sent me home and said nothing was wrong so i went for my ultra sound three days later no heart beat the pain set in and then it all began ,my 14 day stay in the hospital where i had too see other moms leaving with their kids when my arms were empty my mother held my son and she was there so i was grieving for her more than me i believe cause not only was her child sick but her grandson was still born .. my mom would not let me see my son she said she did not want me to live with that image for the rest of my life that she knew the pain would be hard enough and i agreed i trust and love my mother ..i blame myself for going bak to my ex and not staying away but i bought the old song and dance i will change for the umteen time and in the end it cost me my son.13 yrs and i cannot let go of the guilt or the pain of my son as i grieve and mourn, he does not even care .. ladies domestic vioelence is not ok of any kind run if that be your case but i thank god for the three girls i have and my angel son in heaven i love them all the same and no one child will ever replace my boy in my heart happy soon to be birthday son 7-27 -99 to 7-27-99 we love you MICHEAL ABRAHAM SANDERS GOD BLESS …
Give it to God sweetheart that is the only way I recieved Peace about my child I lost and my grandchild my daughter lost. We all should talk about these things because that is what helps others. Your story has a very importand message in it that needs to be shared everywhere. Domestic Violence is not something to try and stay in. God never intends for us to be hit on or pushed around. That man need to be in prison for murder. Thank you for having the strenght to share your story. Keep sharing it sweetie cause it will touch lots of lives.
Hi everyone,
I’m so glad that I found this site. I lost my son Liam on the 27th of June this year. He was my first baby and I had to fight to keep him because my baby’s dad wasn’t ready (neither was I but I wanted him so bad!) and my parents weren’t too happy either but Liam left us just when everyone was getting excited about meeting him and I was beginning to share my news with everyone. I was 32 weeks pregnant when I had a placenta abruption…I’m so angry and have so many questions which the doctor’s can’t answer, they just tell me it was an act of God…It will be a month on Friday and I’m still trying to get by day by day…some days are extremely hard though and I hope that this website could offer me some kind of relief…just like others have said no one will replace Liam and I will always feel a part of my heart has been ripped out…
Your so very right no one will replace your precious baby. But I do not believe this was an act of God. God is nothing but good he does not do evil. I know all things happens for a reason and sometimes it might take years to finally look back and see what that reason was but it will come to you. Your baby is fully formed and Jesus is taking care of Liam till you and your loved ones join him one day. You will always hurt, that pain will never go away. But the talking about it really does help. The only way to heal is to give it to God. He will give you the peace that passeth all understanding. You are strong and you can help others with your story. If you would like to talk with me you can contact me by facebook and by this site also. God bless
I am a two time miscarriage survivor still holding out hope for baby number 3.
I am also a graduate student in the field of social work. I am considering collecting feedback from other women and men who have experienced the loss of miscarriage relevant to support of family and friends, community recognition of this loss, etc. If anyone is interested in being a participant of this survey..please email me at angelsmommy2210@yahoo.com…please spread the word! Blessings
Hello, my name is Julie. I am 20 years old and on May 15,2012 me and my husband found out we were expecting our first child, I was 6 1/2 weeks. I was 19 at the time, so of course I was freaking out. Didn’t really know how to tell my family, but as the days went on I started to get really excited. Wondering if it would be a boy or a girl and trying to come up with names. On July 1st at exactly midnight I was rushed to the hospital because I was bleeding and I didn’t feel normal, I was one day away from being 13 weeks. Was immediately taken to a room and got ultrasounds and paps done. The look on the ultrasound techs face didn’t look right, so I started preparing myself for the news. At 4:19am the doctor came into my room, where my husband and bestfriend were also. Nothing could have prepared me enough for what had came out of her mouth the next 10 minutes. She had told me my baby had passed away, and there was no way of knowing why. My heart went to my throat and tears ran down my face, I couldn’t even look at my husband. I felt like a failure, because the one thing I was suppose to do my body couldn’t do it. Later in that day I was rushed back to the hospital for unbearable pain, I was having contractions. Spent the next 7 hours in a hospital bed with IVs running through me, and everyone telling me “everything happens for a reason” the next 2 weeks were the roughest weeks of my life, going back and forth to doctor appointments to make sure my body was doing what it was suppose to do. It’s now September 6, 2012 and it still isn’t any easier. We gave the baby a name, since we never found out the gender. We call our angel baby “Blessing” I even got a tattoo in rememberance, right above my heart. Tomorrow i’d be 5 months, hence forth why i’m such a wreck right now. I have my good days, and then I have my bad nights where my mind races 100 mph and I can’t make it stop. I literally feel like i’m going crazy because I didn’t know the gender of my child, I didn’t get to hold Blessing so when I talk about Blessing I feel like i’m crazy because Blessing was only 12 1/2 weeks old and still in my tummy, which was barely growing. But I keep telling myself Blessing was mine, I was and always will be Blessings mommy. I’m so afraid to try again because I don’t want this to happen again.
I miss my baby so much, it kills me inside.
I’m so happy that October 15th is a rememberance day, i’m hoping I find closure one day and i’m hoping time will really heal all wounds. But its been 2 months and it still feel like it just happend yesterday.
hang in there girl! i know how you feel. the hospital that gave me my d and c had a memorial today, to remember all the miscarried babies that they’ve had at the hospital. they cremate and put all the ashes in an urn, and have a small service at the cemetary for them. i wanted to go, but i couldn’t bring myself to go. i felt like i just mentally couldn’t handle facing it again, i thought i was coming along with my grief and coming to terms with it. but i’m still very angry and very sad. i understand your fear of trying again…i’m also very scared to have this happen again, but i am trying. and i hope and pray that i will have a healthy pregnancy. Good luck to you, and please, try again! you will never regret trying, but might regret not ever trying!
Thank you so much, never really saw myself being apart of something like this or having a unique bond with so many women but here I am. This week has been pretty rough since it is “pregnancy and infant loss awareness week/month” Got a blue and pink candle to light on the 15th since the gender was unknown. I’m so sorry for your loss as well, that’s cool that the hospital held a service like that. Wish my hospital did that, it would of made it a little easier knowing I could of atleast had a service for Blessing. It gets easier with each day, but the question of “why” still haunts me everyday when I look at my Blessing tattoo on my chest. Never really thought something like this could happen to me. Me and my husband will try again in a few years, just focusing on myself these days. Since July I was diagonised with depressing so just trying to focus on getting myself healthy and happy again.
hi i am a single mother i had a little girl on march 5 2012 she lived an hour then passed she had a lot of health issues i was told at 18 weeks to terminate the preagancy cause the fetus would not survive i went from one specialist to another with the same results so i said god take this baby and do what is right he did i didnt understand at first but now i have seen the reasons that baby was a wake up call in a way for me i miss her alot i celebrate evryday the life she had even tho it was short she was a blessing she helped me learn to enjoy my other 2 childern and help me understand i needed to fight more for my childern then with them i now have my 4th child on the way i dont know that if my daughter would have survived i would have this one it taught me to enjoy what we are given i have learned to talk about her to greive is hard cause like everyone else i was told to let it go she wasnt alive that long get over it i couldnt i had to handle the death of her my way it does get better as time goes on it also gives you your next step in life there is a reason for everything in life god had a plan ready i tell my childern he needed an angel to watch over them god did use her to protect myt other 2 they went into foster care 2 weeks later that didnt help me but i know she is watching them they have been in good homes and almost ready to come home to me they got the greif conseling i wouldnt get the help i couldnt get that is why i know she is watching over them
I am 53 years old and lost a baby in 1984. I was pregnant for a month with my baby dead inside me. This was a devastating time to say the least. I recieved the news that I was pregnant and that my baby had died all in the same day. I was told at three different hospitals that they could not help me cause I did not have health insurance. So I walked around for nearly a month, with doctor after doctor telling me the baby was going to deteriate and get in my blood stream. I was praying for God to wake my baby up to do a miracle. It was not meant to be. Then my husband worked at wal-mart in Terrell Tx. and one of his co-workers told him to take me to the Presbyterian hospital in Dallas Tx. they did a DNC on me and I so appreciate them helping me from the bottom of my heart. They charged me nothing. But the doctor that performed my surgery left me with a feeling that it was my fault my baby died. He ask me if I had taken asprin and I told him I had, that I did not know I was pregnant. I never had a regular monthly, so I never thought anything about it. He ask me several questions like “have you been around paint” well my neighbors that lived in the duplex right next door and had painted their apartmenat. These questions haunted me for a very long time. Then the hospital did not give me a choice of burying my baby or anything they never ask. I felt they just threw my baby in the trash this to this day still bothers me. My strength now comes from the Lord Jesus Christ and I know I will see my baby again one day. He/She will be fully formed and I will hold them forever in Heaven. His/Her dad is already with He/She in Heaven and also has our grandbaby with him also. See my daughter also lost a baby. She is 34 and wants a baby so so bad and so when she got pregnant she was so excited. She has not been able to concieve since. My heart will never be the same because of both situations. I would love to be able to carry a baby for her but unfortunately I later had ovarian cancer and had to have a complete hysterectomy. I have peace about my baby now, it was a miracle in away I never expected because I have met many people that have lost babies and many two or three and losing just one was hard enough could not imagine losing two or three. I have three beautiful children all grown and gone. I have one grandbaby that just turned seven two days ago, by my youngest daughter. My oldest is the one that is having problems conceieving please add her to your prayer list. And for the Lord to give her peace about it as he has done me. There is so many things I would love to add to this, but enough said for now.
My daughter, Elizabeth was born an angel on April 4, 2009. i was 40 weeks pregnant when I lost her. She was so beautiful and perfect in every way! Teeny tiny little precious face down to her toes, so perfect! I miss her so much and I love her more and more every day, I cannot wait to be with her again. Someday soon I will hold her again and I will never let go! I dream of the day the she, my husband, son and I will walk hand in hand together. There will be no hurt any more, only pure joy.
One thing I have learned after nearly 4 years is you never “get over it!” And you don’t have to because it is your child. People simply do not understand our pain.
I lost my pregnancy on September 6 2012 had to have emergency sergurey cause it was in my tubes. It’s been so hard the last couple of days but I do you relize I have been bless with 3 other beautiful kids and I have to live for them . I just can’t see life the way it was before I am scared to go outside and I feel so alone. My friends and family just don’t understand and I am just looking for people who do understand and are willing to listen to me without me sounding crazy. I am so sorry for everyone who has had a lost and like this one wowman said that touch my heart all of out lost kids will be playing together in heaven.
My name is Julie. On may 2nd, i found out i was pregnant and my husband and i were soooo happy. shortly after, we found out that my sister in law was also expecting and due a week later than me! how excited, both our first babies! At about 10 weeks, i started to notice a very tiny amount of blood after using the washroom. i went to the doctor and she sent a request for an ultrasound, but this takes time(in Canada). after seeing her 2 more times, i saw a different doctor. they all said they thought things were fine, but just sending me for ultrasound to be sure. on June 26th, i decided to take myself to the ER department(you’ll get an ultrasound the same day) and got my ultrasound. The tech asked me if i had anyone with me there, i said no and she left and came back with the doc. he told me my baby didn’t grow past 6w 3days, and there was no heart beat. i was devastated(still am). what bothers me most, is i carried a dead baby inside me for almost 6 weeks, without even knowing. i’m also still angry at the doctors for not noticing the drop in BHCG. all this time i thought my baby was growing….but it wasn’t. i felt so foolish. I opted to have a d and c that night, and was sent home afterwards. i cried, and cried and i still cry sometimes. It’s amazing how something so tiny that you haven’t even seen, or held or touched can just steal your heart. one of the hardest parts for me right now, is to watch my sis in laws belly grow, and to know that she will have a happy healthy baby and that my belly would have been like hers, and my baby should have been born at the same time as hers…it’s still so raw and hurts just to look at her…. I’m happy i found this site, it helps to read other women’s stories and to know i’m not alone. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone. thank you to the other men and women who have written their stories, it truely does help. I hope every single one of you continue on to have beautiful healthy babies…my husband and i are starting to try again. i pray that i won’t miscarry again.
Hi. My name is Lacey, I am 27 years old. My boyfriend is 28. I have no children of my own but my boyfriend has 3 amazing little boys that I live with and love like my own. I so wanted my own child to make our family come together a one.
On August 2nd 2012, I found out I was pregnant, we were so happy. We immediately made a DR appointment, and my boyfriend and I went to every DR appointment together. On the first visit we got to have an ultrasound, and we got to see our baby’s heartbeat everything was fine at this point and we were so excited and nervous! We were told by my DR that I have type O negative blood, but it would not be an issue, but I would have to get an RH shot at some point during the pregnancy.
Every week we went to the DR together, and every week we got to see our little one, and the heart beat. And every week we walked out of the DR’s office GLOWING! On the morning of September 1st, I woke up to some mild cramping and a very small amount of blood, I was so scared. I called the DR office and they told me it was nothing to worry about, just cramps from my uterus growing to make room for a child, and the bleeding was “implantation bleeding or old blood”…
The next day I was still bleeding a little and still had some mild cramping, so I went to the ER, and after taking a blood and urine sample they told me I had a UTI and sent me home with some antibiotics (it was called nitrofurantion and I made sure they were safe for the baby before I took them) Everything seemed to be just fine after that and we let our worries go and continued to be happy and collect things for our baby. We went to our DR appointment the next day, and our fears were put to rest, our baby’s heart was beating at 140. Our doubts seemed to be behind us. We felt safe to tell everyone the following week. Everyone was so happy for us. We got a handmade baby blanket from a good friend, some unisex baby clothes, some darling pink booties from one of the nurses at the hospital and tons of books, baby name books, pregnancy books, etc.
On the morning of September 10th 2012, I woke up to the worst stomach and back pain I have ever felt in my life. I know it might be TMI but I honestly just felt like I needed to go to the bathroom, I felt constipated. But after several tries, the pain got worse and by 10 a.m. my boyfriend said “I’m taking you to the hospital.”
They put me in a room and did a pelvic exam and checked for the baby’s heart beat, the ER DR informed us there was no heartbeat. As soon as I heard those words I stopped listening. I was released from the hospital 4 hours later, and I opted for a natural miscarriage at home, I couldn’t bare to go through with a D&C (I find out this coming up monday if I NEED one, but I am praying with all my heart that I don’t need one)
People keep telling me they are sorry for my loss. I don’t want to be sorry, of to feel sorry for my boyfriend and I, I just want understanding. Yes I am sad, angry, confused and aggravated. Who wouldn’t be? I find myself getting angrier and sadder by the day. People keep telling me it will be okay and I can try again and I can have another baby, but I wanted THIS baby, the baby that grew inside me for 11 weeks, the baby that heard my heart beating from the inside, that baby that I already had a nickname for (B.K for Baby Kennon), the baby that I was 100% sure was going to stay inside me and grow and have great parents and amazing grandparents and 3 half brothers, and would call my amazing friends it’s aunts or uncles. The baby that would be named Denise Michele if it was a girl, after my mother and my boyfriend mother, or that would be named Larson Benedict if it were a boy, a combination of a dear friend who passed away a few years ago and my grandfathers middle name. A baby that was already thought of as part of our family.
I find myself crying when I see a newborn, or when I see the blanket we got as a gift, or when I see the baby bath set Hand N Hand pregnancy Center gave me. And I know it’s silly and the baby wasn’t actually a baby yet, but it was an idea in my head, a dream, some hope, and I already loved it with all of my heart.
After the miscarriage I was able to get the RH shot that made my type O negative blood regulate.
I found out 2 day ago that my DR should have given me an RH shot as soon as my blood type was known to him. I have never been so angry in my whole life…
But, this too shall pass.
Much love to all of my family and friends for being there when I needed you most, and Josh, I love you more than life its-self. RIP Baby Kennon.
i know how you feel my husband and i were so excited when we found out that we were expecting. i love my baby too even though i was just 8 weeks i also had baby names if it was a girl it would of been lorii kim a combination of my mom’s name and my husband’s mom’s name and if it was a boy it would of been pete jr. i had a natrual miscarriage too and i think i was not fair for you and your baby what your doctor did to you. i find myself to get more angery and more sad i just hope i dnt fall to depression. well just want to let you know that am here for you even though i dnt know you but you also have my support
Thank you for allowing us, the mothers of heaven’s angels, to have a place where we can let our feelings flow naturally. We must all go through the stages to grief to come out healthier and wiser on the other side.
My baby would have been 7 years old this year and we always think about him/her. I have had two friends who have also lost their babies, stillborn. I can’t imagine having to hold your baby and immediately having to give him back…my heart aches for them. I have been a good friend: I have purchased a remembrance gift for their garden. I feel it is the least I can do to help them get through this emotionally charged time.
Thank you for all you do for our community.
Hi my name is Linae, I’m 22 years old. My Fiance and I lost a set of twins at between 15 and 16 weeks along. I have two of my own children and he too has one of his own who he never sees. He was happy to find me and my two little ones. He said he’s never been happier. He loves mine like they are his own. They look up to him. I’ve never seen anything like it. They do everything together(including peeing outside=]). He had said something about wanting a baby together in the biggest way. I told him I’d think about it. About a few months later(DEC of ’11) we found out that we have been expecting for the last 3, almost 4 MONTHS! We were so beyond happy and excited. We went to all of our appointments and listened to the heart beat. At about 15-16 weeks along I had an appointment for an ultrasound. I wanted to hear the baby’s heartbeat to know everything was okay. Little did I know..everything was NOT okay. My Doctor told me there was blood around the Fetuses(babies). I asked what was wrong with my baby! They told me I have been miscarrying a set of TWINS for the last week or so(Feb. 29th ’12)I was devastated, not only because I found out I was miscarrying for like an entire week or so but because that was how I found out I wasnt gonna have 1 baby but a beautiful set of TWINS. I had to go home and tell my Fiance that we were losing our BABIES! It felt like a part of us died that day. A couple of days later my Doctor called with an appointment to have surgery to remove the dead babies that they said were making me very sick! After the surgery they had told me it looked like the twins were a baby BOY AND a baby GIRL! I’ve always wanted a little girl too:/ Her name wouldve been ARIAN MAE. If it were a boy it woulve been ARIAN DAVID. I have been wanting to get my Fiance a stepping stone of a baby boy and baby girl SO SO bad but I just dont have the funds for it right now:/ That would make the ultimate present for him, that would make him the happiest man because he’s been so down since we lost them, I just dont know what to do:( I want to let our babies know that mommy, daddy and your two big brothers loves you so dearly. Cant wait to hold you in our arms again!!! Rip little Angels <3 <3 <3
am sorry for your lost and i admire what you want to do for your fiance because its the same thing i want to do for my husband. i know your babies know that you guys love them and their not forgotten. i might not know you but i know how you feel and at longest you two support each other you will make it threw and later on god will send you another set of twins and maybe they can both be girls.
My name is Mary. I’m 26 years old. Mother to Ariyanna born October 6th 2005. I was 21 years old. I was in college at the time so I scheduled my doctors appts in my hometown. On October 3rd I came home and went to my first ultrasound I was 20 weeks along. Everything checked out to be perfect. The baby was in great health, nothing was wrong, the baby was growing normally, no defects or anything. She was a baby girl! <3 October 4th i woke up with what felt like period cramps. i went to the bathroom and i was spotting. i panicked and my mom told me not to freak out just yet because she spotted with me and perhaps light spotting is normal. we go into the er and because i was so far along they took me up to neonatal. they check everything out and realized my sac was coming outside of my cervix. At this point because I was so far along and my baby had a chance of survival if I was put on bedrest, they said let nature take course because trying to push the sac back in will risk breaking it. They gave me about 100 tests and everything came back negative. They didn't understand or having an explanation why this was happening. At the time both baby and I were in perfect health. I began having contractions and they just couldnt stop them in time. i was losing more and more fluid slowly but surely and they were scared that an infection can creep and not only harm my child but also put my own life in danger . because I didn't want to lose my baby girl I declined for them to induce me to make me have her faster to ensure my safety. i had hope that she was going to make it, and i told them id much rather he be here than me. after 2 1/2 days of pain, pokes, tests, tears, denial, my body couldnt handle it anymore and my water finally broke at 7pm monday october 6th. i screamed to my mom and immediately i began to have the hardest worse pain (contractions) ive ever felt. the doctor examined me to realize that my daughter decided she didnt want to come out and noticed her feet were first which made labor a little more difficult. She was already in the canal when they realized this. (It happened very fast) after some pushes, screams, at 855pm i gave birth to this most beautiful little baby ive ever laid my eyes on…she didnt cry…her eyes were not open…but she was breathing and moving. me my mom and dad all held her and took pictures with her..i remember holding her and just staring at her and touching her nose and she moved her arm and i just remember thinking like why me..Why could this even happen to me. I did everything right throughout my pregnancy. What made me more angry is the fact that the doctors had no explanation either. Which made me even think harder what I did to deserve such a punishment. she passed away three hours after she was born. The hospital wouldnt help her breathe or live because she was under the 23 week cut off and anything under is too high of risk…meaning even if they helped she may have became mentally disabled, lung disease, etc etc..which obviously at that point i didnt care but..after she passed they let me stay with her for a few more hours. they dressed her in a cute little purple outfit with a hat, took pictures, gave her her own baby blanket, footprints, birth certificate, teddy bear…they treated her just as if she was a living breathing healthy human being. which i do love they acknowledged her life, but weeks later the knife kept twisting in my heart when i received her social security, a new mom book, etc. I decided to have my child cremated so she can be with me at all times. If i ever moved, or stayed the thought of her being out of reach at any given time makes me feel extremely uncomfortable which i why i did choose cremation. I think it was the best choice for me. I keep her next to my bed with a little memorial and her picture. after her death i pretty much became nothing. i shut down, i became hateful and angry which is the complete opposite of how i was before. i also noticed i formed a certain kind of OCD. i try to control alot of situations so they work out for the best and try to prevent anything bad happening. it almost ruined my relationship and has angered alot of my friends. because i couldnt control her death i now try to control everything in my life. it got really out of hand but im doing better. i feel after 4 years ive come such a long way. occassionally i cry when i think about her..and sometimes im so excited to share my story. i thank you for everyone to take the time out in reading my story. In memory of my beautiful baby girl *<3 Ariyanna Faith D'Asia Pritchett <3* 10-06-08
so sorry October 6 2008*
Mary am sorry for your lost your babygirl must be proud of you because your doing much better. your story inspires me alot its sad to hear wat you ent through but know that your baby is seeing you from above and she loves you. i support you
I’m 22.. And I am soo happy I found this site. I have been pregnant three times and have had two miscarriages and one eptopic pregnancy, each time it hurt more. The last time was the eptopic pregnancy and I did not leave my room. The emotional pain that I felt was by far the worst feeling In the world. I very rarely talk about any of this due to the fact that I sometimes feel like people don’t understand or I sometime i feel like I am not allowed to be as upset as I get because I never got the chance to have them. But it deff hurts still. Almost everyday, when I see newborns or movies about people losing pregnancies it makes want to cry. Thank you giving me a place to talk about this. I’m very grateful…
Jenn i know how you feel and believe it or not i sometimes get upset and i just start to fight with my husband. i know he’s hurt too and we all as parents need to let everything out because it does hurt alot and you have my support 100%. We are all a team and like a big nation wide family to support each other
hi everyone my name is Teresa but everyone calls me Terry am just 17 and i just lost myfirst baby because of a miscarriage. i lost my baby this past tuesday my husband and i are so devestaded with the lost of our baby but am glad i found this website so i can get support of other parents and i would like to give my support too. Thank you for this page.
Hey, My names Brittney I had a miscarriage in Febuary of this year. I was 14 weeks. My Fiancee and I had just heard the heartbeat (on valentines day) the next day I was a work and started bleeding, i went to the ER and the did some tests tried to find the heartbeat again but couldn’t hear anything the ultra sound didn’t show it either… within 24 hours my whole life changed. It was confirmed that i was having a miscarriage. We were so excited when we found out we were having a baby, We had names picked out we had already started buying diapers and nuetral baby things… Its amazing how so much can change in such little time.. Still today I’m not over it… I cry a lot and I always wonder If i could have done things differently or if i wouldnt have went to work that day if everything would have been fine. Me and my fianacee argue a lot about it…. I know hes upset about it but he’s moved on quicker then i have… He just tells me theres nothing i could have done and to get over it…. which I know is true but its easier said then done… Im glad I found this site and Im so sorry for everyone else’s loss! Prayers are with you all!!!
My name is Brittany and this is my story , I am now currently 21 and found out I was pregnant with my first baby girl last year , she was due feb 22,2011 .
I was a little nervous because my husband is in the army and would have been gone throught my whole pregnancy and overseas when she came , but I had a very supporting family and my husband and I were so excited !,after the ultra sound to determine the sex of the baby I was told we were having a girl! And about a week or two later my doctor calls me into the office and I knew right when I walked into his office that something was wrong , he began to tell me my daughter had a rare spinal tube defect called anancephaly which it comes in many sizes and cases but hers was the worst, her skull didn’t form fully over her head and there was no way she could live outside of my body. I of course got second and third opinions but all the answers came back the same . He gave me the choice to keep the baby and go full term or to terminate my pregnancy , each person is different in this situation but in my case I decided to be induced so her nor I would have to suffer anymore .. I had to get ahold of my husband while he was at ft.benning in Georgia and telling him was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do . He received emergency leave and was able to come home for the procedure . My daughter was born October 10th,2011 around 2:30 am and was the most beautiful thing I have ever set my eyes on . Not a day goes by that I still don’t think about her ,but she is deffinatly my angel baby .just when you feel so hopeless like it won’t stop hurting and the pain will never go away , it gets better I promise my heart goes out to all of you other mothers who have lost a child . And I pray your healing process is fast. God bless
Hi my name is Hya, i’m 32 years old. My husband and I lost our triplets (Anela, Vincent & Julianna) almost 3 months ago, July 20th 2012 to be exact, I was 22 weeks & 2 days when I had them via emergency C-Section. I was diagnosed with Complete Placenta Previa at 16 weeks gestation. Dr’s didn’t put me on bed rest, they told me to go on reduced activity which I did after I was told about the placenta. Since it was our first pregnancy, I really had no idea that the placenta was that severe. I started bleeding at home on July 18 @ 1030pm and my husband rushed me to the local hospital and was admitted for observation since the bleeding stopped. The next day July 19, I had no bleeding until later on that night at 1030pm, same exact time I had the bleeding the night before. My doctor came in and told me I’ve lost 1 liter of blood and will need to transfused 4 bags of blood back to me. Around 12:30am (july 20) I was still bleeding and dr’s said I’ve lost over 2 Liters of blood and at this point, they will need to get the babies out to prevent more blood loss and possibly losing me. I didn’t want them to touch me, but when my husband looked at the amount of blood I lost, he stated “I can’t lose you either babe, let the doctor do what’s best”. At that point, we made the hardest decision in our lives, I hugged my stomach and cried so much and spoke to our babies and said I’m so sorry babies :'(. Dr’s told us straight out that at 22 weeks & 2 days, the babies aren’t going to survive. I miss them so much and I hope they know how much we love them. They will never be replaced, they will always be in our hearts. I hope someday I can understand why these things happen. I hope they are happy in heaven and playing in God’s kingdom. God Bless you all…
Hi, I am Heather. I lost my first baby due to miscarriage at 12 weeks in 2004. I know the pain, it doesn’t go away, but it does get better. I named my baby Rylin Madysen. I didn’t know the gender, but felt my child deserved a name. I think about her every day. I asked God everyday why. 5 years after asking why and never getting pregnant, I got an answer. I had a septum in my uterus. I made a scrapbook and kept all of my ultrasound pictures. I don’t know if this will help anyone else, but I found a poem titled spirit baby. I finally gave birth to Rylins brother Jan 2012. I love him and Rylin. I still think about her. I rock my son and think about Rylin rocking with us. Rylin would be 7.
Be strong, it gets easier but you will never forget.
Hi, my names Rachael. I am seventeen & im from scotland, I suffered a miscarriage when I did not even know I was pregnant until it had already happened. I have had so many health problems since this because I should have had a d&c. At first it did not really hit me but when it did it hit me like a train. My whole world fell apart going into the hospital & walking past the maternity ward or seeing babies being taken home from the hospital. I had a break down & took an overdose, my partner of 2 years left me because he said he could not watch me go through this torment & I was to ‘man up & get a grip’ because it was my own fault it happened. I have so much anger & guilt & sadness for this for what could have been a beautiful baby I will never know whether it was a boy or a girl or who they would have looked like & I will always have that stability in my life it is still so raw, it happened on the 28th of july & I will never ever forget it. I am so glad I have found this website it has given me true comfort in a way, I contacted my radio stations & I was interviewed on sunday & it will be aired on the 15th, in Scotland I do not think anyone has heard of this day so I will do my best to spread the world I would want everyone who has suffered like me to feel they have this comfort as I have. I hope one day it will be easier but right now it is so hard.
hello… So sorry if this is long or I start rambling… i am writing here because i have had two second trimester miscarriages this year and just cant seem to let myself open up to anyone, besides my husband but he just refuses to talk about this with me. I am 22 years old and lost my daughter february 8th of this year, she was 10in and 10oz. She was stillborn, my water broke at 19weeks and then she was delivered two days later, after we could not find her heartbeat that morning. I was really upset after I lost her, we thought that maybe it was some fluke thing and that it “shouldn’t happen again”. Thinking that the next pregnancy would be ok that made me feel better. I realized that sometimes these things happen for a reason and my babygirl was gone, it helped me to think that she probably didnt feel any pain. I thought i was okay and i thought that i had accepted losing her but i was wrong. Just recently I had another miscarrriage, I lost my son at 18 weeks on sept. 18. This time my water starting bulging out of my cervix, the Doctors said that my water was “hour-glassed” in my cervix, part was still in the uterus the other part was poking out the other side of my cervix. I was on complete bed rest for four days. I have had problems with anxiety all of my life and recently started having trouble with acid-reflux, so I got sick from being so worried and then constanty laying down and eventually I was eating very little. I was so miserable on bed rest and i tried everything to stop the nausea and vomiting and eventually the contractions. on the fourth day of bed rest, I went into the dr.s office because I had started leaking more fluid. The dr said that there was a lot more fluid leaking then before. I went up to labor and delivery, the dr thought the baby would end up coming that day… and for sure he did… about 3 or 4 hours later. My son was 7.7oz and about 8.5 in. My dr. said he thought that my baby wouldn’t make it through delivery, but he did. I was so sad when I found out that it was a boy AND he was alive… My two pregnancies were almost exactly the same, I was sick almost the whole time, so I thought I was having another girl and believed she would not make it through delivery. I was happy but then sad knowing that i could not keep him, but got myself together so i could spend whatever time I had with him as calm as possible. My first miscarriage was due to pPROM and this one my cervix just started to give out. If i ever get the strength and courage to try again I will have to get a cervical cerclage… but it sounds scary to me. I was feeling okay for the past week or so, I was up by myself after my husband went to work early in the morning and I don’t know, just started thinking about my friends and their babies and it just got to me… Life is so unfair and I am just missing my babies sooo badly this morning!!
Hi, my name is Jessica. I lost my first baby at 2 months. I had come home from work and began to experience sever back pains and before we knew it, I was in the hospital and miscarried. I couldn’t believe it. I got pregnant again and we thought it to be our miracle. On December 23, 2012 I gave birth to our second baby, Julixana, at 6 months. She was a stillborn. We had gone in for a doctors checkup on Dec 22 and they informed us that her heart had stopped beating. I had no words. It all seemed like a nightmare and I couldn’t really grasp what was going on until after I delivered and I was ready to go home from the hospital, without my baby. To this day my heart sinks when I think of them both and how much I miss them. I still can’t look over my sonogram pictures and videos without feeling helpless and crying out for her. It will soon be a year that I held my baby girl and moments later had to search for a funeral home. A year later and I still can’t seem to find a way to make any of this easier. Shes mommy’s little angel, but theres so many days that I just wonder… I close my eyes and remember her in my arms and how I just wish I could hold her again. There’s still so much anger in me and although I know that its no ones fault, I still can’t stand to look at pregnant women, when at one point I though them to be so beautiful. Everytime I find myself feeling this way, I remind myself that my babies would rather have me smile because I have the chance to still love them so much, instead of feeling so bitter. I pray every night for peace in my heart and for all the mothers who have had to experience such a loss. May God be with you all and may your babies forever be in your heart, to wipe away your tears and to warm your hearts when it gets lonely.
My name is Aubrey, I am 16 years old. No one wants to be a teen mom, but when I started having suspicions I was pregnant I wasn’t worried because if it happened it happened and I’m going to do my best to give this baby the best life it can have. Well, God had other plans because turns out I was pregnant and I had a miscarriage at about 3 weeks yesterday morning. My boyfriend and I were heartbroken for the little angel, but we know he or she is safe and right where it needs to be.
I personally have not lost my baby as I am only 16 but when I was 9 my mum was pregnant with two twin boys and I couldn’t be any happier at the moment. One day after school my dad came to pick us up from school and that was unusual as he worked 2 hours away and wasn’t meant to be home for a few days. But anyway we were going to Adelaide to see our grandparents and my brother and I had not idea why, but it was a visit to Grandpa and Grandma who wouldn’t be excited. At that moment in 2005 my mum was roughly 24 weeks pregnant, and being only 9 to me everything was perfect I was about to be the big sister too two boys. while at my Grandma’s house we weren’t allowed to answer the phone, on the 21st of May 2005 the most beautiful and tiny and perfect little boys were born, Martin Lloyd and Shannon Edward.Meeting them for the first time was amazing, they were so tiny and perfect. Shannon died on the 26th of May, the one vivid memory I have from the day my Grandma told my brother and I was the pain and sadness my mum had as I spoke to her over the phone. I hurt so much and I had no idea what was going on. His funeral I cried the whole way through not releasing the pain that was coming in a few weeks. Martin died after 9 weeks of being in the NICU. Mum had been released from hospital by then and we had gone home. I am 16 now and I don’t really talk about them much because I just feel so guilty of talking to my mum about it and I don’t want to hurt her in anyway. I have started to have these thoughts were I would do anything to have them back, I would give up everything just to have that time with them. One of my friends mum was pregnant with twins and they didn’t know the sex and then I started having these thoughts, why do they get what was taken from me, they have such a big family already why do they get that chance to have what I didn’t get, it’s not fair.
I don’t really speak with her anymore and I guess it has something to do with that.
I don’t know why I am writing this but I guess it gives me a chance to tell somebody and not feel guilty.
I want to share with you a quote that I have read on this website I believe:
‘If you know someone who has lost a child or lost anybody who’s important to them, and you’re afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died, they didn’t forget they died. You’re not reminding them. What you’re reminding them of is that you remember that they lived, and that’s a great, great gift.
Your mum will never forget her twin sons and it may be beneficial for you and her to talk about them and remember them and share your love for them.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Ohhh boo hoo! So bummed that I misesd your super sweet give away. Oh well .congrats to Shana!!! Everything is so so sweet!!!!I am loving your shop to bits!! I must have some of your adorable pom pom trims! And those photo corners are too cute!! I’ll be back as soon as I can sqirrel away some spending money! Promise!Love your blog!!Happy Snowy Spring! xoox Jenny
Hi, I’m Gina. I lost my son full term, I went into labor at 6 days over due, and as my son was coming out of the birth cannel they lost his heart beat. So when he was born the doctors and nurses tried for half hour to get him to breathe, with no success they announced him dead at 4:30am. Just watching the doctors doing all that seemed as if I was dreaming.. thinking to myself this can’t be happening.. my heart was crushed when I had to give the news to my 4 year old son at home, cause he was so excited for him. It was really hard for my husband too, cause when he got home he had to pack up all the baby stuff we put out, and the crib.. December 1st would mark his 6th birthday in heaven.. I ended up having 2 other children after him and its always never wrecking because you know it happen before.. Its just something I don’t think I’ll ever get over..
I’m so sorry for your loss. I too lost my full term baby girl 10 years ago. You never get over it, but it does get easier, I miss her so much sometimes that my heart hurts. But I find comfort in knowing that she will be waiting for me of the gates in heaven! I hope that you can find some comfort in that too.
Hi my name is Taylor. I’m so glad a good friend of mine gave me this website. I have just recently lost my little girl. I was 39 weeks to the day when I delivered Ashton Kenzie. It was Friday August 17,2012 that we went to the doctor for my weekly check and they used the Doppler and could not find a heart beat. After the ultrasound confirmed what we already knew there was no heartbeat our little girl had been taken away from us before we could even meet her. I was immediately induced, and after 12 hours of labor I delivered Ashton Kenzie at 4:39 am on august 18,2012 which is also her death date. The cord had gotten wrapped around her neck only a few hours before the appt. She was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I can picture that day perfectly. I carried full term and had the biggest lost ever. I can relate with many of you. The loss is very fresh is has not even been 2 months yet. There isn’t a single day that goes by that I don’t think or miss her. We are still grieving and it helps hearing others stories and to know we aren’t alone. The hardest thing I have ever had to do is say good bye and plan a funeral for your child. We go out to her grave often. I don’t know how all you managed to have children after if you even have. I have really questioned if I can ever have kids again. I am only 22 and she was the first child for me, however feel like I can’t have other children and be a good enough parent to her even if she isn’t here on earth with us.
On October 18,2011 I received a phone call around 12:30 from my children’s grandmother stating my son was not breathing. She began CPR while his father called 911 the emt continued CPR for the 12 miles to the hospital. When I arrived to the hospital he was still being worked on. At 1:37 he was pronounced dead (still so hard to say that). I cried so hard, I wanted to die. Some days I still want to die so I can be with him, hold him again, hear his laugh, feel his skin. Marcus was 5 months old. He had the most amazing smile and for such a young infant he had quite the personality. Thursday will mark 1 year since I lost my baby. I don’t know how to feel, there are so many emotions that I just can’t bare them. My daughter whom is 3 years old mentions him from time to time, it makes me miss him more just at the thought that at 3 she misses him. My sister gave me this site hoping that it could help me give me comfort. I love you Marcus and I miss you more each day. Although I know your up there smiling down on us, just know I would do anything to have you back in my arms. Xoxo
Hello, My Name is Lindsay, and I first want to say how terribly sorry I am for anyone who has experienced the pain of baby loss.
my Story;
I was an uneducated unprepared teen mom, who made some poor decisions etc, ended up having 2 children quite young, raising them for a few years, then realizing that life was not easy , things were not to be handed to me and I was not able to provide the life I wanted these children to have, so I placed them together with a family I chose for adoption, and though brutally hard, I don’t regret nor look back.I decided after my son was born to have my tubes tied, I resigned myself that I was not to have children, that i had my chance and passed it up so to speak. well some 20 years later I meet, then marry my now husband, just prior to our wedding in 2007 I got my tubes untied, and we were pregnant soon after, I found out on New years eve we were expecting.
told Anyone who would listen, we were elated, I had finally gotten over my guilt of my previous children and was excited for this new chapter. it wasn’t meant to be I miscarried at 6 weeks, devestated, but comforted in my doctors words that this is common, and it likely won’t happen again.( I should mention I was nearing 40 years) Well it did, 12 more times.( between 3 and 14 weeks) along) some would say how, I don’t know…we just kept trying. seeing specialists etc. Miscarriage #8 was at 9 weeks and was ectopic which resulted in my loosing my right tube. well pregnancy 13….with 1 tube left, I went into the hosp,and said I believe I am having an ectopic pregnancy ( I knew the signs) I was 11 weeks along and the doc said yes I am afraid we are going to have to remove your left tube, I went through the surgery plagued by the devastating thought that with this last failed pregnancy and the loss of my last tube, It was official, I could not have more babies.
The next morning, the doctor came to see me and told me the most beautiful thing, I was still pregnant. though there was a fetus in my tube there was also one in my uterus,( though rare this happens, either a twin pregnancy one in the uterus one in the tube, Or even rarer still, getting pregnant @ 2 different times) and after bed rest for the last 6 months she stuck, I now have a 6 month old Miracle baby.( who has already had 2 heart surgeries) I know this isn’t a traditional loss story, trust me I feel that pain, I just wanted to offer hope to some. peace and love to you all.
Hey, I lost my baby on October 15, 2003. I was suppose to be 15 weeks at the time but the ultrasound showed up at 7 weeks. We have no idea what happened. The doctor just said the baby stopped developing. I just found this site today. Kinda strange I found it on the 9 year anniversary of loosing my little one. I have not been able to get pregnant again which has actually cost me my marriage. People deal with things differently. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about what could have been. Every year on my due date it’s really hard. I have learned to deal with it in my own way I guess but you never really get over it…. Thank you for this site and the support you provide on a topic that noone wants to talk about!
I lost my baby girl Lola at 4 months, we got to see her and say goodbye, she is now in the ocean happily swimming with the dolphin and mermaid spirits, knowing this gives me some kind of closure and i can only think fondly of the short time we had together.
My friend sent me this website after finding out what happened to me. I have told people, but this seems a better outlet. I have one 6 year old Son whom I had when I was 18. (young I know). He is beautiful and smart and all around amazing. Fast forward to September 2012. I had been dating my long distance boyfriend for 6 months when I took a pregnancy test. I remember the very faint positive sign that showed up at work, in the bathroom. Though it was not planned I was beyond THRILLED as I am 24 now and have always wanted another child. Took 2 more tests the next day and no doubt, I was pregnant. I called my boyfriend who was excited as I was. We both have a child from previous relationships, so this would have been our first. A week later I woke up to severe cramping and brown blood. I dropped to my knees and cried calling him saying “I think I’m loosing the baby!” He drove up right away and we headed to the Dr. It was a whirwind what happened next. I was informed after 4 different Dr’s doing internal sonograms that I had an ectopic pregnancy. I was later given a shot to dissolve the pregnancy. I’ll never forget crying walking out of that hospital room as he walked beside me. He tried to hold my hand, but I pulled away. I know the baby never could have survived and at 8 weeks I was lucky no physical damage was done to me. But I still ask God why? What did I do so wrong? Sorry for the long story. We have both cried over this, but right after my Aunt passed and I feel as though I have had no time at all to truly express how sad and how much of a complete failure I feel like. Thanks.
I am Sorry you feel like a failure, I wish there were words to make you appreciate. though I am sure you understand it was through no fault of your own( the ectopic) but you can’t yet appreciate that thought, I hope the strength soon finds you and guides you in a healing way.
Today October 25, 2012 is 18 years since I lost my baby. I was a 15 year old girl that had no clue how to be a mom or take care of a baby. When I lost him I had no emotions, went on daily living like a typical teenager. Now 18 years and 2 wonderful children later it is harder than ever. Every year on this date I get sad and depressed and wish this day never happened again. I hate everything about it. I know I need to be happy I will see him again some day but it is so hard, and I wouldn’t have the 2 children I have now if my little boy was ever born. I miss him every day but today is definately the hardest of them all. I miss and love you so much Cody and someday I will finally meet you and hold you in my arms like a momma should.
Hello, My name is Ashley. I am 27 years old. In 2008 I found out that I was going to be a momma, And I was the happiest girl. Well at just 5 weeks I had miscarried and it was hard But in Jan. of 2012 I became pregnant and once again I was the happiest girl even though I was worried because of my last pregnancy. Alittle time had passed and I had hit 16 weeks. I went to have an ultrasound done and they told me that I was having a little girl. I got extremely excited, I was beginning to think everything was going to be fine because I have made it this far. Time came and I was 24 weeks and one day my doctor at that time had called and asked me to come in because he really needed to talk to me and it was something he needed to talk to me in person not by phone, So of course I got worried. When I arrived to the office they took me back right away, the doctor came in and told me that I had placenta previa and I had no idea what this was so of course I asked alot of questions. He told me that he needed me to find another doctor because at that hospital they did not have the equipment he thought they needed so I found a different doctor. Time passed and the day I hit 36 weeks I had to go for my weekly visit. I’ve had no complications with the placenta previa. So that day while I was at the docs, The doctor herself and I thought everything was fine. She went to look for Amelia’s (baby) heartbeat and we picked it up or so we thought. So we had set a date for the c-section, This was when I was super super excited. Because on October 6th I would get to meet my little girl. Well the doc decided she wanted to do a quick ultrasound as soon as she started it she got really quiet and just looked at me, So I started asking her if there was something wrong and she just looked at me and said Ashley I am so sorry. So I got kind of mad and was asking why was she sorry, She replied ” it was your heartbeat we were picking up” I looked at her asking her what was going on and she got teary eyed and told me that Amelia had no heartbeat, It felt like my heart had ripped out of my chest I kept asking if she was serious and how could this be? So that day (Sept.11th 2012) I had an Angel. I had no clue to what I was going to do or how to handle it. Everything was running through my head. I’m a failure, maybe its not meant for me to be a mother. The one thing I love more then life itself was gone. I had no idea there was a special day just for our Angel Babies. My sister was the one who had told me about it just here recently. Now I feel some what better knowing there is a day just for stillbirth/infant loss. I love it and think its great. I still feel like a failure in some ways. Just when I begin to think I’m okay I’m just going to give it time and I will try again later on, Its like it hits me in the face again and I think theres no way I’m trying and that I’m done. Is it normal to have these feelings? Or is it just me? I seem very lost. This is extremly hard. I am sorry for everyones loss.
Hello my name is Maria and I just had a miscarriage five days ago .I was 8 weeks. This was my first pregnacy so I was overwhelmed with happiness. Now my boyfriend and I are left with sadness and anger. This was a very wanted and loved baby. I have never experienced so much pain in my life. I know we will try again, but I am scare this will happen again. I hope and pray that If we do get pregnant again, god will bless us with a healthy, beautiful baby. I am so sorry for everyone’ s loss. I am with you in your pain. I feel honored to have been the mother of this beautiful angel, even if it was just for 8 weeks.
I ‘m Karen. I’m 32. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was almost 6 weeks along. This was my first pregnancy, and though I was super surprised, I was incredibly happy and excited. I was told by three different doctors that it would most likely take more for me to get pregnant then normal. As in I would probably have to take fertility meds or do IVF treatments. I miscarried at 9 weeks, last sunday to be exact. Feb. 10th, 2013. I miscarried while in the emergency room with intense cramping and lots of bleeding. Now I feel like hell. I cry a lot and feel like there was something I should have done differently or that it was my fault. I know it wasn’t, but feel as though it was. Everything changed when I found out I was pregnant. Everything has changed again once I found out I was miscarrying. I went from intense joy to intense sadness and sorrow over the course of 3 weeks. I have been through a lot of bad things in my life, but this is by far the hardest most emotional thing ever that I have had to do. How do you say goodbye to your baby? I feel that no one understands. I work with infants and young children everyday for my job. I feel like I need time off and I am not even sure I want to work with children anymore. I was suppose to graduate in May with my early childhood education degree. Now I don’t even know if that’s what I want. I am taking the rest of this semester off and not sure I want to continue my job in childcare/early childhood. I don’t have any idea as to where to turn or how to do this. I will never forget my baby, nor do I ever want to forget. I can’t see past how I feel right now. I have support from my mom and my best friend, as well as a few other people. But no one who I feel truly understands my loss and my pain. This loss has hurt my boyfriend too, and he is slipping silently away from me. He will not talk with me and I feel like even though he says he cares, etc, that I have no support from him. He feels I should just move on. I really feel like I have no one to turn to. I have awesome friends, just none who have been through this. I need support and people who really understand. I don’t know what to do. I feel blessed and honored that I was the mother of this beautiful angel for 9 weeks, but the loss has just made me feel awful. I didn’t know about this site or that there was a day of rememberance for misscariage/infant loss/stillbirth until I was searching miscarriage websites. I am glad that there are others like me and maybe I don’t have to feel so alone anymore in my grief. My heart, prayers and thoughts are with all of you…I am sorry for your loss as well.
Karen do not give up. The day my I found out my baby had no heartbeat I told my boyfriend I did not want to get pregnant again, like “never”. I was talking out of pain and anger, but as time passed I just could not live with the idea of never becoming a mom. Give yourself time to heal. In honor of your baby’s life continue to help, work and make a difference in other children’s life. I lost my baby Feb 1, 2013 and can assure you it will get better. My best advice is to stay busy and surround yourself with women that understand wht you are going through. It is not easy. I still struggle myself, but you have to find strenght within you to keep going. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care.
Hi, my name is Sarah and I lost a pregnancy in early December 2012. My husband and I have been trying to start a family since Jan 2012. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome which causes me to not ovulate regularly. After fertility treatments and our first IUI in October, we found out we were pregnant. I remember crying with pain and happiness. I cried that my pain of infertility was over, and felt so happy and so so lucky. We had been monitored through ultrasounds from the 5th week up until the 8th. We even saw a heartbeat. I remember talking to my baby through out my pregnancy symptoms and telling my baby to do whatever it needed to do to grow strong and healthy. At our 8 week ultrasound, my baby was measuring smaller and the heartbeat was gone. I look back to that moment as an out of body experience. Seeing the image on the screen, and hearing my doctor confirm the pregnancy was no longer viable, and what our next steps were. At first I was so angry. Angry at myself, and angry at God. At first I wanted to forget. I wanted everything out of me. I wanted to forget the pregnancy test, telling my family and friends, the images. Everything. I was so broken. I eventually came to terms with the loss and decided to wait to miscarry naturally. I had been through so many hormones and treatments that I wanted my body to take it from there. The wait was so hard. I was afraid to leave my house because I didn’t know when the miscarriage would start. I experienced pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness while waiting. It was by far one of the hardest experiences of my life. Eventually my doctor said I had to have a D&C because my body was not recognizing the loss. To me, that was extremely difficult. I wanted it to happen naturally. I wanted it to symbolize that we were ready to let go of each other. I guess we were not ready. My husband said that when I woke up from the anesthesia, I cried saying “My baby is gone.” It’s been over two months since the loss and I still miss my baby. I miss feeling it, and I miss seeing it, regardless how early and small, it was there and it was mine. It was an instant connection because I tried so hard and waited so long until we found each other. We have not lost each other in spirit. I know my baby is still around me. But it’s hard. I am grateful for people in my life who have helped me through this, bust mostly from others who have experienced the loss for themselves. It is an untouchable bond and connection us women share. Though our stories are so different, our pain is very much there, and very much real. I am truly sorry for our loss and this pain we have experienced, and I hope and pray for our healing, and peacefulness.
I just came home from the hospital and am recovering from a c-section I had to have to deliver my 31 week old baby girl whose heart stopped beating while inside of me. While my body heals, my heart is still broken. She was born on my birthday, although I do not know when she died. I still do not know what happened, but does it really matter? She is gone, and I had to leave the hospital empty handed. I have no baby to hold, no newborn smell to cherish, no soft skin to caress. I wanted this little girl for so long. The worst part is having to tell everyone and hear the same things. I have my moments where I’m okay, and thankful for the two beautiful boys I do have and then I have my moments where I know I will never be the same again. I think I am still in shock; nobody ever thinks something like this could happen to them. One positive thing is that I have learned to not take a single moment for granted and if I do get the chance to have another baby, this experience will make me cherish every single second I have with her.
I am soo sorry for your loss, my baby girl was born sleeping at 38 weeks, and I felt just as you do. just hold your loved ones close and I swear you will get thru this. today is my babys 5th birthday..
Sorry for your loss Michelle. My baby girl was born at 34 weeks and died 6 days later and I also had a C-Section. You saying that you wanted your baby girl for so long is exactly what I keep thinking now…she was supposed to be my 30th birthday present as she was born in my birthday month. Take each day at a time, DONT hold back…if you in the middle of the supermarket and want to cry…cry. If you want to smash something…smash it! I have felt this helped me a lot, I try not to keep it in as it is not healthy for you or your family. Take care of yourself!
Our son Vincent Matthew was born on August 6, 2011, at 9:04 PM. Vincent was premature and only weighed a little over two pounds. He was so handsome and so tiny. Vincent became sick shortly after birth and passed away on August 14, 2011. In Vincent’s short life, he touched so many people and felt so much love. Our family decided to start this page in order to create a support group for families experiencing pregnancy and to offer support for families who have experienced the tragedy of losing a child. We hope that this page will be inspirational and also bring awareness to specific pregnancy related experiences and conditions to be familiar with regarding infants, specifically premature babies.
We are honoring our son’s memory through the creation of a Facebook Page in his name. The page is dedicated to education and awareness for pregnant women. Please visit our page at the following link:
http://www.facebook.com/TheVincentMatthewM...
Hello, today I had to have my 2nd D&C in 8 months. I feel completely lost…. Every time I close my eyes all I see is my ultrasound (a fetus with no heartbeat). I could really use someone to talk to…. I am angry and I hurt and don’t know what my next step should be.
I remember the amazing feeling of being pregnant, those first signs that I was going to have a baby for the very first time. I lost that feeling at 9 weeks pregnant, the test was positive one week before my miracle was taken away from me and my fiance. We were so happy for that week, the plans we had and names. But then it stopped and I hate it. Some days the pain is unbearable and I cry so much. It’s been 2 weeks since it happened and I still hurt. I hate it when people say it just wasn’t meant to be and no one tells me why it wasn’t. I just hope that it gets better.
It has been almost a week since I gave birth to my son, Bradley, at 21 weeks. I have not talked to my doctor since I left the hospital, but she told me she believes I was sent into premature labor because of an incompetent cervix. My fiance and I are handling things fairly well but I’m not sure if I am in shock or not. I cry off and on throughout the day, everyday. I feel like I failed my son and fiance. I am only 19 and my fiance is 22 and everyone keeps saying we are young and have time. My doctor did say that this can be prevented for the next time after I become pregnant she can do a cerclage to prevent my cervix from opening to early. I really want to try again soon but then I want time to wait. It is so hard not feeling the baby move and knowing I am not pregnant anymore. I am so scared of not being able to have kids and failing once more as a mother. I have many people for support and to talk to but I still feel as if I am so alone. Knowing my son is not with me and I have no baby to look forward to having to hold. I just hope this gets better and we can successfully have another baby.
I found out I was pregnant the beginning of June. I was thrilled i even went out and bought a baby outfit. I was so excited to be a mommy..Yes I’m only 17 but I already loved my baby. How can you not love the baby you know is growing inside you? Well I started having complications so I went to the emergency room on Friday, July 5 and they did an ultrasound and said that everything was normal. I was only 6 weeks along but my baby was there. It had a strong heartbeat. They said it was healthy… On July 9, not even a week later I had horrible pain along with everything else… They did another ultrasound.. But my baby wasn’t there anymore. I just don’t understand..
My angel went to heaven at 10weeks.. 4/1/2013 I never thought I would feel this much pain . I miss him everyday that goes by. I know that he is with god but wish he was here with his sister and his dad.
Hello, it has been 5 years today since my little Lylah Denise was born sleeping. I remember coming across this site not long after I got out from the hospital, it comforted me in so many ways. I used to visit the cemetery on a weekly basis, now I make a trip once a year on her birthday. I lost her at 38 weeks, it was my last doctors appt and they found no heartbeat. For so long I was so sad. I miss her still very much. She was my 1st, I was 31. Now I have two other daughters to keep me busy on a daily basis. They are the reason I keep on going. Although they don’t give me much time to go over and over the past. They also, helped me thru. Alyzah is 3 1/2 and Lolah is 1 1/2.
In the beginning I thought everyone was crazy that said time would help and that I would have other children, but it did happen. Although her father and I broke apart because we were both so sad, it is all for the best. Sometimes I stop and think what the house would be like with 3 toddlers…Alyzah tries to be an eldest child but she is so a middle child it’s not funny. She would have been so close with big sis.
I guess I just want others to know, that you will get thru this, I did and I am not the least bit religious. Take it a day at a time. Don’t let anyone tell you anything, do it all in your own time and whatever makes you feel comfort. I used to spend day after day at the cemetery. It made me feel closer to her.
I hope this helps someone..
Also, for me: I’ve always told people that I have 3 children, and then I always explain myself. I felt like in some way it helped to honor her memory. I will always have 3 baby girls, even though ones in heaven. Last year I even walked for her in the local March of Dimes walk, we made tshirts with her name.
I love you peanut!
My name’s steph burns I found out I was pregnant on the 25 June 2013 I was 5 week I was so excited so was my partner , we went for our first scan on the 24 July 2013 it was amazing see our baby on the screen for the first time but I submit was up because they couldn’t get the measurement of the baby so they sent us up to the r v I on the 26 July 2013 we’re we were told our baby had anacephaly it was the worst new I have ever had they give us a choice to go full term or to end the pregnant it was the hardest choice to make but on the 28 July 2013 at 2·45 my baby become a angle I never forgot our angle
My name is Kim and I lost my son this year. He was 5 weeks and 4 days old 🙁 I still struggle almost everyday and im grateful for all the support of my friends and family. I am trying to raise awareness of SIDS and I’m happy that there are other websites like this one where you can share your horrible experience with people who actually what they are on about!!!
To all those who are struggling with the loss of their child stay strong even though its difficult it will always be worth it.
Kia kaha
Our first loss was in 2000. I knew something was wrong from the start and kept calling the doctor but I was just told cramps and spotting were normal. I was in a new town, newly married, and ready to start a new job when we lost our first of 4 angels. Each of our losses was followed by a healthy pregnancy, but the hurt and sadness for the babies lost never goes away. Our last loss was in 2007. But, there are days, like today, when the sadness and sense of loss are as raw as the day we lost each pregnancy. My heart aches for each and every one of you and wish you healing and peace.
We lost our little angel baby boy Mathis on august 23rd 2013 at 31 weeks along…I had felt no movement for almost 2 days when I went in to the ER, they sent me for an ultrasound and they comfirmed my worst fear…no heartbeat! We have 5 beautiful kids 2 girls and 3 boys…Mathis is our 4th boy, our 6th child…we miss him so much, it will be 1 month tomorrow and it hurts so much can’t believe this happened still feels like a long nightmare. Everything was completely normal with the pregnancy even had a 3d U/S on August 6th he was in great health, we do not have any answers. I am thinking we were in need of a guardian angel. I am glad that I found this website and that I now know about October 15th.
Hi my name is Amber I suffered a missed miscarriage back in march 2013 i was only 6 weeks but it has affected me deeply! we had 3 weeks of uncertainty and scans befor we were finally told at 6.4mm my baby had no heartbeat, i had the surgical procedure the day after mothers day and I still feel as though i am pregnant,i’m obsessed with doing pregnancy tests every month even though they are always negative but i keep feeling movement in my tummy and it sounds crazy but i am now waiting for october for my due date cause somehow i’ve convinced myself that i will have a baby even though i know i’m no longer pregnant, and i know its all in my head! no one seems to understand how much losing my baby hurt me they seem to think it can be replaced by another baby, my mother in law even said that because there was no heartbeat that there wasnt actually anything there her words were that it wasnt a baby, i then found out my sister in law was pregnant soon after i had the surgery, she was 2 weeks behind me, it feels like my baby didnt matter and it is being replaced by another. my baby should be due in the next 4 weeks and i’m not coping well at all if anything i feel more grief now than what i did at the time of the miscarriage. I just feel so lost and alone.
On Saturday morning September 16, 1988 seems like a long time to others but to me it feels like yesterday sometimes, my daughter was stillborn she was a beautiful dark haired angel and I miss her everyday I have two other children and a grandson but their is always one that will hold a special place in my heart my daughter is helping me to make a rememberance pendant for me to wear for the month of her birthdate to keep close to my heart
I lost my daughter 24 years ago on September 16, 1989 and I don,t think you ever forget it may slip from your mind sometime but it is never gone far and I think of her often Love her much
Today at 12am I got the devastating news that my 12 week pregnancy ended when my baby was 10 weeks. Being in the ER since 1pm waiting for EXAMs and the results and then to have the news that you were admitted to the hospital but with no explanation of why? Then to hear the Doctor from the ER fighting with the nurse to accompany her to tell me the bad news cause she was exhausted and had to leave since her shift ended, horrible. Told that I was being Rushed to the operating room while letting out tears with my husband while everybody else in the ER heard us since they did not told us the sad news in a private room. Thank God they gave me something to knock me out while they were doing all the procedure of taking the baby out and doing all the other stuff they have to. Also to have to cope with the idea that I cannot have more babies since my husband just recently got operated and it cannot be reversed. My eyes burn for the many times I have cried but in silence because I do not want my boy of 3 years old to keep seeing me crying, but also at the same time I need to heal but do not know how if I cannot even let out a scream and anger for loosing my pregnancy at 10 weeks old. Only pray to God to help me heal my soul and take away my anger.
God bless I know how hard it is I am really sorry this had to happen to you and that you had to feel this pain, I will keep you in my prayers, maybe our babies are flying together in heaven hand in hand god bless them both.
On June 13 2012 I lost my baby 1 year and four months ago due to a miscarriage, I was so happy I had been trying to get pregnant for a year and when it finally happened it was the best feeling in the world I used to play music and put headphones on my belly, I was so excited I had my baby’s names picked out since I was 17 I had Sophia Hope for a girl and Noah Christopher for a boy, me and my boyfriend were sooo excited and then on June 10 I went to an appointment and I saw the doctors face and I just knew something was wrong when they told me her heartbeat was extremely low and that I would have to be on bed rest, my heart broke into pieces, I had another appointment scheduled for the 13th of June and once I laid on top of the table I just knew, a mother knows her child and I knew mine I could sense the loss of her inside of me and when they told me she was gone it made it soo much more real and I thought I would have time to be sad but I didn’t because it turned out the pregnancy came with health complications and my kidneys started failing as well so they say it was a molar pregnancy and i went through dialysis and a kidney transplant but I will never blame her for that sometimes unexplainable things happen and as for what hurt me the worst my answer will always be losing Sophia I love her she was my first child and I will keep her in my heart forever the heLing process is hard not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and I’m glad she was in my life even if just for a little while. Sophia this is for you <3
But the sadness is getting even worse now and it hurts so much more 🙁
My little Jeffrey Dean was born at 20 weeks. He was to be the Third child. I had waited 5 long years. It all started with a routine office visit for my ultra sound, I was getting to see my baby. But it ended 2 days later with the new my baby boy is dying. On October 18 1997, my son was born at 12:07 a.m. My husband did not deal very well, of course I had 2 other children that I had to explain to that their baby brother died. My Alyssa was 6 and Jaocb was 5. They did not understand. we muddled through life and then I found out I was going to have another baby. I knew my angel was going to watch over her. Melanie came after her brother and Makayla after that. Jeffrey would be 16 this year. I hope he has a big party in Heaven.
I just lost my first child august 30th … it’s gotten easier but I always think of my child daily… I miss the feeling inside me… the planning… the happiness
On Oct 21, 2009 I lost my son Nathaniel Alex…i was 27 weeks pregnant..its been a rollercoaster of emotions since i lost my son..when i found out i was pregnant i was 19 weeks..i went to the doctor’s nd i was able to find out if i was having a boy or a girl…they told me i was having a littl boy…i was so happy cus my family has mostly girls…i was gonna b a single mother nd i was so streeed out..a month later i met my husband nd he was willing to take care of my son as his own..on Oct 20th i started to feel pain in my tummy…i thought it was just gas so i went to sleep..i woke up the next morning nd the pain got extremely worse..i tried calling everyone to take me to the hospital..no one was able to take me..i had no choice but to take the bus..by the time i got to the hospital i was already 10 cm..my son came out so tiny in the bag…it hurts til this day that i dnt have my son with me.. he is now my little angel watching over me..
My Oldest daughter was 11and my youngest was 7 and we were all overjoyed to find out they were having a brother, especially my husband because it was going to be his first child and a SON. Everything was great, going along smoothly too smoothly, and then it hit when I was about 11 weeks I started to bleed. The doctors and others said it was nothing and just to keep an eye on it. Well I did.I lay around, relaxed and it never stopped. It just got worse. I went for ultrasounds every week to keep an eye on the baby but when my fluid started to leak (by the way the ultrasound women and doctor knew about but never told me) it was only a matter of time. I was sent home with the last picture and image of my son 12hrs before he would be born, looking big and healthy and amazing. I woke up around midnight having bad cramps, but I was in denial and was not giving in. I woke up many times with the pain getting worse but I was still convinced this was not happening to me not after so long of wanting and needing this baby so bad. The last straw was waking up in a bad sweat not being able to control my pain and shaking , it was time to go to the hospital. The worst part is you think the hospital is there to help you! I arrived at the ER at 4:15am and there was NO ONE to help me NO doctors NO nurses NO ONE!!! I was screaming for help and ended up giving birth to my son in the wheelchair I was sitting in. Finally after 10 min someone came and brought me to a room where they confirmed my worst fear and biggest nightmare I had lost my son. I almost died that night along with my son, My vitals were so low and I had lost so much blood I need a transfusion to keep me alive. I lay in that hospital for 3 days in the Maternity ward of all places listening to all the new babies and seeing all the happy parents…all I could think was how cruel of them to put me here. The part that stands out the worst for me was the day I had to leave, my husband brought me a summer dress to wear and as I put it on I no longer had my pregnancy belly. It was like a slap in the face, reality hit me, he was gone. Going home and having to tell my older daughters their brother was not coming home was not easy, they didn’t understand or want to understand. It’s not like they were 2 and it would blow over, no they were grown and cried and it was so sad to see the hurt in their eyes and to know they have to experience this pain along with us. It has been a year and a half since my son has been gone and I just still feel so lost. I don’t know when I should feel better , if I should feel better or what better even is. I can’t talk about babies I can’t look at the stuff I had for him, I can’t even be around pregnant women. I not only suffered the loss of my son but the tragedy of the way it happened will always make it worse. The neglect from the hospital and being lied to by the doctors and everyone involved who knew something was wrong but wouldn’t admit to it has made my healing so much harder cause the anger I have. It is really hard to let go of. I have a daily argument with myself because my heart and head are at war. My head knows it’s not healthy to feel this and be so angry but as a mother my heart feels like myself and helpless baby were not protected by the people I was suppose to be able to trust. I just want him back, I just want answers, I just want to know he is ok, I just want to hold him and tell him I love him, I just want this pain to stop! But again my head knows all these answers, he’s ok , he’s safe, when I say I love him he hears me. I had a dream my grandfather came to me and had my son was with him and it has made me feel better but I wish that was me holding him instead. I feel for each and every one of you and I am so so so sorry that any of us even need this page. I ask for some prayers for my peace of mind and for the gift of another child. In the year and a half since my son has been gone we have tried but unsuccessfully have not been able to get pregnant again. It almost feels like another war brewing I don’t know how to feel. Do I want another child? what if it happens again? I don’t know if I could handle the stress of the not knowing, and being scared my whole pregnancy that something may go wrong. It’s so scary but If god brings you to it he will help you through it, I got a keychain that says that so let’s pray it’s right. I appreciate anyone reading this and allowing me to vent I have so much built up emotion I don’t know where to put it sometimes and this is a load off for sure Thank you so much. I pray for you all xoxo
i was pregnant with my third child we saw a heartbeat i was about 9 weeks then to find out i was having twins but i knew something was wrong. your body can feel it . i made an appointment with my doctor i went to get an u/s and yes confirmed that it was twins but i knew i kept asking question and she couldnt tell me because she was not the doctor. I went home waiting for the phone call from my doctor. She told me yes they were twins but there was no heartbeat on either baby. That broke my heart to hear that. That was the first time it had happened to me. this was back in march 2013 . I miss the feeling of being pregnant because it is one of the most beautiful things in life. To bring another life into this world. but i know they are in a good place now i will never forget them.
Hi everyone,
Wow, first of all I cannot believe I am alone in this as I thought I was….to read all your messages and see that this happens, no matter who you are, and that you must never think “that will never happen to me”. On 6 August 2013 my beautiful Isabella was born at 34 weeks. We were a bit scared that she came so early but were also elated that she was finally here. She was such a trooper, getting stronger and stronger each day…Then came 12 August 2013, 6 days later…I went in to see her and the doctor did’nt look as happy as he always was…and I knew something was wrong. He assured me they are doing everything but there seems to be an infection. For the whole half an hour I stayed with her, her eyes were wide open and she kept looking at me. I was asked to step outside as the specialists want to look at her. Not even an hour later she passed away. The infection got into her bowel, her immune system was too weak to fight it and it took over her body. Neonatal Sepsis is what the medical term is of her death. I cannot explain how many seconds in each day I blame myself for her death. If only my body was stronger, maybe I did too much during my pregnancy, with the UTI that I had, maybe I passed it to her….We have a son who is 3 and even he understands what has happened. He was confused at first but now he talks about her daily as if he is actually seeing her and playing with her, although he has never met her, only via photos did he see her. I had a miscarriage in the beginning of last year but didnt know I was pregnant, then in April 2012 I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured, I almost died but survived it by the Grace of God. Now this happened….it makes me very scared to think about trying again, although we want to, but I need to heal first because I had a C-Section. It is just really terrifying of thinking to go through this again, and what if it happens again? I miss her terribly and still dont really feel like it actually happened. I dont even know what to do with her clothes and blankets and stuff, I have just stored it for now…It makes me very sad to read all of these posts and know there are so many mommy’s out there with bleeding hearts!
I meant – I cannot believe I am NOT alone in this
Hello Everyone, My Name Is Bree I am 19 years old and I lost my angel princess Taylor at 20 weeks. The Monday before I had her I just found out that it was a little girl. My mom and I we’re so happy. I couldn’t come up with name for nothing lol so I had to ask my Facebook family. My mom and I settled for Taylor Nicole which Nicole is my sister’s middle name. I was so excited of having someone who was going to be calling me mommy. Saturday night I got into the shower because I wasn’t feeling good. After I got out I started to feel really sharp pains and they would come and go. So I went to the bathroom and I seen pink liquid, so I ran to call my hospital and they said come in right away. On the ride there all I could do is pray and ask God to please just save my baby. On December 9th @ 10:50 Taylor Nicole was born and weighed in at 10 oz. I just talked with my child and let her know that mommy loves you and always will. At 1:30 Taylor was Pronounced dead. Me being so young I didn’t know how to take losing a child. I still pray to God this day and ask him to help me be strong. In two months is her angel anniversary and as time is getting closer I feel weaker. What are something’s you guy’s do to help cope?
Today I looked at her picture and it was like a dagger in my heart all over again. I love her so much! I wish I could have just 5 minutes to hold her again and to tell her I love her. My 2 year old son just saw me crying and he asked me,” happened mommy?” I told him I missed sissy and he said, “mommy I kiss it! Where at?” I pointed to my heart and he kissed me. That made me feel better. Although we lost Elizabeth prior to having Xander, I know in my heart that my children know one another. She’s always with us. I can feel her within me. I can’t wait to be with her again!
I wrote this poem for KJ, Kendal Janae Edwards, who was stillborn on October 7, 2005. She would’ve been 8 years old now. I carried her 33 1/2 weeks and she will never be forgotten. I now have two little girls; Berkley is 4 and Meagan is 6. I remind myself this time of year that I am very lucky!
Poem: Complete Hope
While on earth, I will never hear your voice
Or know your favorite ice cream choice.
I will never dance with you in the rain
Or help you with your boo boos and your pain.
While on earth, I will never know the color of your eyes
Or be able to introduce you to yummy French fries.
For where you are is where I strive to be one day
When I say goodbye to this life and gladly head your way.
For in Heaven, we will dance, laugh and sing
And continually fly high without needing a single wing.
While on earth, I will never hear your voice
Or know your favorite football team choice.
But one day in Heaven, our family will finally be complete
And I will never have to wonder again what it will be like when we all meet.
We love you KJ!!
Melanie,
I appreciate you sharing your story and I am sorry for your loss. I hope we all learn how to live with what’s happened to us. Thank you for sharing your poem. It’s beautiful and it gave me a sense of peace.
On May 4th 2007 I lost my baby. I was almost 15 weeks. It took me years to go through this. I had a baby 2008 and i gave up everything to just have her. I found reading peoples stories helped me. I joined support groups and read what everything others are going through. I seen that what I had wasnt and different. The big problem I had was family did not want to talk to me. When I cried people would walk away like omg when will it stop. I dont need people to say anything. I just need to cry and remember. I wrote her a note. I had the test and an appointment card remembering when I was suppose to find out info. The only thing I found out was my baby died. She did not split and a twin that should have been was a baby girl that could not change the way she should have. People do not understand. But reading and writing others helped me. Though I think I spent 6 months up all night trying to get through it. Then every day after I had 5 kids who did not understand and just learned to stop asking. But sometimes you will find a friend who will be a life long friend. One who made me a card and a braclet for my lil one though she would never wear it. Lilly was gonna be her name. She was due Nov 3rd and this is why this part of the year is hard.
Hi all,
First I want to say how sorry I am to hear of the losses you’ve had endured. I’m 35 years old and my husband and I have been trying for about 4 years to have our family. I am going through our 6th loss. I’ve had 5 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy. We’ve been through what we’ve been told all the testing and we both come back normal. We are being pushed in the direction of IUI which we’ve done the beginning of this year and it failed or Invitro. We get pregnant on our own, but I cannot carry past 6 1/2-7 weeks. This last time I was on progesterone early on and my 1st 3 HCG levels were great for the 1st time ever and was scheduled for our 1st ultrasound this past Wed, then the HCG suddenly dropped, I never made it for the ultrasound. I pray for answers as to why I cannot carry past this time frame. I just do not see how IUI or Invitro would work. Anyone else have any advice? I’ve been told that Vitex vitamins and Royal Jelly could help?
On the 3rd Sept this year I had an ultrasound and my baby boy Lukas had a strong heart. On the 6th Sept I had a check up and his heart had stopped. I was 37 weeks pregnant.
My precious angel was born on 7th Sept. His birth was the most painful thing I have ever experienced, both physically and emotionally but he was born naturally and I wouldnt have it any other way.
His big sister held him within 10 mins of his birth and his daddy and I spent a few hours just holding him. I have photos and foot and hand prints and am grateful that I have something. A lot of people who experience such a painful loss dont even get that.
I have found that my grief has led to a need to share my son with the world. I have posted pictures on Facebook and will talk to anyone who will listen about him and his birth. I cry for him every day but sharing my baby has made my sorrow more bearable even after this short time.
To celebrate him we had an afternoon in a park with balloons, face painting and playing kids. I was surrounded by family and friends who have held me up and who had welcomed Lukas in to their worlds long before his birth. They have allowed me to mourn and cry and talk and not one of them has turned away from me.
I am grateful that I was chosen to be Lukas’s mummy and that he has taught me to embrace every day and that even while we grieve there is always a reason to celebrate.
Tonight I lit a candle to remember him and all the other angel babies who are forever loved and never forgotten.
Hi
I lost a beautiful baby girl this Sunday at 19 weeks cause ofdeath was a cord accident. I had to go through a natural delivery yesterday . I completely numb and so very very heart sore and looking for ways to cope . Thank you for sharing our stories , it’s nice to know I am not alone
Hi everyone, my name is Megan and I lost my pregnancy on March 7 this year. I was only 7 weeks along, had knownfor 2 weeks. I had never wanted children, the pregnancy was a surprise . I was off birth control for one month while I waited for a new insurance policy to kick in. It was the happiest me and my husband ever had. I started spotting lightly on March 3rd, went immediately to the doctor and told him I was also having mild cramps and bad shoulder pain. H sent me home, told me I was fine. By the 7th (the day before my birthday)I was in the hospital with the worst pain I had ever felt. The pregnancy was ectopic and had ruptured my fallopian tube, I had been bleeding internally for over a week. I’m lucky I went to the hospital when I did, I could have died from blood loss. While I’m happy to be alive, not a day passes that I don’t think about the little life that I lost. I know now that I want a child, desperately, but fear that it will happen again. They removed the tube so now it will be harder to conceive when we are ready. I just want other women to know to trust their instincts, when something feels wrong do everything you can to fix it. That pregnancy was doomed, but if I hadn’t trusted the first doctor they could have saved the tube. The er staff was shocked that a doctor had missed all the signs (the shoulder pain, low hormone levels, and an empty uterus -he should have recognized what was happening and not sent me home telling me the pregnancy was fine, just to small to show on ultrasound). Take care of yourselves, and speak up if you need too.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over a year when we found out I was pregnant. We were over joyed for those few wonderful weeks we even had an early ultrsound and saw the heart beat. That was the most amazing thing I ever seen! Then on October 26th I started bleeding so my husband took me to the ER and we discovered the baby no longer had a heartbeat. Devestation can’t begin to explain how I felt at that moment. This is the hardest thing we have ver delt with. Some days I feel ok and others I don’t even get out of bed. I feel so guilty and can’t stop blamming myself and am so angry because I don’t understand why this happened to us. I may have only been 9 weeks but we loved out baby so much and my heart continues to break every day. Yet at the same time I find myself longing to be pregnant again and to have a baby in my arms.
My husband and I miscarried at 7 weeks almost three years ago. We were devastated however nothing compares to the pain we are currently experiencing. A year after our miscarriage we found out that both my tubes are blocked and our only option was IVF. After complications from the egg retrieval we eventually were blessed with a pregnancy and the ivf craziness was behind us. On June 27th we found out we were pregnant and two weeks after that we found out we were having twins. My husband and I had a feeling both the embryos they inserted took. All pretty much was going well with one incident of spotting and since I am RH negative I was giving the rhogam shot. We found out at 41/2 months that we were having a boy and girl which I felt from the beginning. My husband and I thought our dreams had finally come true, everything was going well. At five months I went to labor and delivery because my stomach hurt like I had to go number two. I did not wait plus I live 5 minutes form Kaiser. The dr checked me and said I was fully dialated. What?? I had no symptoms! Dr said there was nothing they could do because the babies were not viable. It was so hard to digest. The babies were healthy but my cervix was gone and they said I could get sick if I didn’t deliver them. My babies were born on 10/13/13 and they both lived for about 4 hours. It was bittersweet as I got to meet them, kiss them, love them, and talk to them. I would give up ANYTHING to have them back. I struggle everyday!
Hello everyone my name is shaidon I had a miscarriage 15 October 2013
It was my first pregnancy and I was 16 weeks pregnant I was so happy about having a baby till the 15 october 2013.
im really sorry to hear of the losses
may God bless you all.
Sunday, I gave birth to my angel Frances Mikel. She was born at 34 weeks and passed as a result of a cord accident. It came as a complete shock to us. She was our first girl of 5 older boys. We had our princess. I woke up Saturday to not feeling her moving. I felt a sense of doom. I prayed and begged her to move. An ultrasound confirmed our fears. My labor was induced and we delivered the next afternoon. We had her baptized and even got to have a god friend help clean her up and get professional photos. Our support is amazing! My husband has fielded the phone calls and intercepted questions I just don’t feel like dealing with. Leaving the hospital was almost traumatizing. I felt like I was leaving her behind even though the funeral home had called and said she was in their care still swaddled in her pink blanket with her teddy bear slippers. They had reassured us they were going to take great care of her but I was still leaving her behind in my heart. I was ready to be with my boys however. After getting home, the next hurdle was to enter my bedroom which her nursery was connected too. My husband held my hand when I was ready to take that journey and we went in. I immediately felt lost. I scurried around straightening the room that had been left untidy when we had left in a hurry Saturday afternoon. As the days have gone on I find myself angry that I couldn’t protect her. I am a labor delivery nurse. I teach my patients warning signs ALL OF THE TIME! I don’t know where to start with plans or thoughts or regular living. I don’t like my body. She should still be there. Growing and getting ready. I feel guilty for feeling uncomfortable during these last few weeks. I hate crying in front of my boys. I want to be strong. I feel like my husband is holding back a breakdown and it’s because he’s protecting me. I’m frustrated that I’m starting to letdown. I want her back!!! I did everything right!!! She looked so perfect. I want to wake up to hold her, change her, nurse her. I want to leave everything in her nursery as it is. How do I move on?!!
Hello I know how it feel never getting to hold your child or hearing him speak or cry but I realize my child is perfect in God eyes I wake up sometimes feeling empty and I just pray because I know God will bless with a nother child one day. I carried my son for 9 months healthy baby boy. July 4th when I ga
ve birth to my first child 3 days later I became sick I had an fever 106 which is normal after giving birth I couldn’t break the fever my son was sick as well with an fever 103 the doctors couldn’t understand why we was sick our organ began to failureso they started running every test to see what was wrong our results come back in a
they found that we have herpes I cried and cried I gave it to him I was going to have him natural but I only reached 9 cm so I had to have an c-section. my son lived for 42
Lived for 42 days I couldn’t eat I didn’t want anyone around my all I wanted was my child I felt so guilty year before I got pregnant with my son I had an abortion I use to ask the lord why but I understand more I still miss him I still cry I still feel all the pain but my faith keeps me going why he gave me a second chance in life to do things correctly I cnt wait til I have more kids
My daughter has lost two due to miscarriage. But we have the hope that
both are in Heaven with Our Loving Savior. We rejoice in this. We don’t understand why but the Dear Lord Knows.
I love the beautiful bracelet I got my daughter it is so lovely and I thank you for it.
On March 5, 2011 my whole world changed. I was 20 weeks pregnant and went into preterm labor. I was in labor for 12 hours, that night haunts me everyday. Sometimes I wish that those thoughts and my grief would just go away, so I can feel as happy as I felt before losing her.
I lost my beautiful angel, Lillian. The three year anniversary of the loss is coming soon. I think about her everyday. My grief comes and goes, at times, it is so deep that I cry like I lost her yesterday. It seems hard for my family to understand how I am feeling and I do not want to burden them with my feelings. I can see the sadness on their faces when I mention how sad the loss of my Lily makes me feel. It makes me feel isolated and misunderstood. I will never stop loving my dear angel. I just wish it didn’t hurt so bad after three years.
Hello! On March 2013 we found out we were pregnant! It was my first pregnancy and at first my husband and I were so scared at first. At around 8 weeks and a half the problems started.. I started bleeding and then had blod clots.. I was diagnosed with Antiphospholipid syndrome, so i had strict bed rest..everything was going perfect had almost no bleeding when at 21 and a half weeks my water broke. Went to the hospital to see what the doctors could do.. they tol me to wait and see if we can make it to 24 weeks, because only at that time the baby could have a chance to survive! I drank all the water you an imagine i tried no to move an inch. but God had a different plan for us. On Tuesday August 13th 2013 i had to have an micro c-sectión. I cried and just prayed for my baby to be ok.. but deep down knew there was nothing i could do. I just wanted to see him and hold him.. but that want posible because the epidural didnt work on me so they had to give me general anesthesia. My husband, my mom and mother in law got to see him and say goodbye. My son lived for about an hour. Til this day i can´t get over it. There are no words to describe the emptiness o hurt I feel not having him here today! I had bought some clothes for him.. my husband had to hide everything we bought because i cant bring myself to see his stuff. What gives me some peace is that he is my Angel and that him and my grandfather are together. My little baby boy Jorge Nicolas you will never be forgotten and mommy loves you more than anything in this world! We will be together again, i promise you this. Te amo.
My name is Alyssa Anaya. I’m 19 years old. I lost my baby boy, James, on October 15th. I was going to be included bc my baby was getting to long, my boyfriend is tall so our baby was going to be too. The week before, I had a doctors appointment and they told me my baby was healthy and everything was going to be okay. The day I was going to be induced they did a sonogram to see how much he had grown in the past week. When they did they couldn’t find his heart beat. That was the worst thing anyone has ever told me. I was so angry that there was nothing I could do to save him.
My husband and myself lost our baby boy at 16 weeks on February 19th 2014 he was perfect we got to hold him and my nurse was able to get us a set of his footprints and we named him Bryson.. its the hardest and saddest thing that either of us has been through… It was our first child and it took us eight years… Its still so hard to talk about our emotions are like a rollercoaster… There seems to be no light at the end of this tunnel… Our heart goes out to everyone who have lost there babies and im so glad that there is a day in remembrance for our babies…
i just lost my little boy, i was 5months into the pregnancy and they put me into labour early, my little man didn’t survive labour, i can’t help but sit here and blame myself, i miss him so much and i keep telling myself he was needed more up in heaven than he was down with me but i need him in my arms again, i don’t know how to carry on anymore, rest in peace angel mummy loves you trillions x
Year 2003 I found out i was pregnant. I was so happy i found out it was a girl. I would of have 3 girls. Then the time came I was 9 months pregnant and was going to be induced. When nurses hook me up they noticed there was no heartbeat. I had just felt her kick 5 hours ago. I gave birth to my beautiful 6 pound daughter Alyza but did not cry, did not move not even a smile. I held her in my arms for hours and hours. I coulnt believe what was going on with me. I loved her so much. I was angry then I question (never got answers) but now my Alyza would of been 10 years old. I only have 2 pictures of her and always kiss her at night and when I’m feeling down i always talk with her. My angel will always be with me. Sadness will never go away.
Hello All, I do not even know where to begin. After a year of fertility we became pregnant 11/30/2013. after 2 months, our little angel was taken to heaven. It was a devastating experience. I knew it was going to be a boy. Not sure why since it was our first pregnancy. We are still trying to move forward. However, it has been difficult when our loved ones and friends are pregnant. Though we do not want to rob of them of their joy, its really not about us. I am thankful to 2 of our friends that informed me about this webpage. I look forward to move forward and for the next walk as we heal.
Hello to all lost my 1st baby July 9th 1975 she was full term but she was breach, the doctorers did not tell us untile she had died that she was breach or We would have made theam do a c section her neck was brooken during delivery.i never got to hold her or see her they bearied her and i went home to a empty cribe she weaied in at 7lb.and 5 os. even tho it has been 39 years it stile hurts every year that comes around i use to have a pictuer of her my husbend took at the funrule but i lost that picther over the years moving around so much.we did have a son whom I am so gratfule for and then agine we lost our 3rd baby and girl she died at 8 months then they told us we should not try agine for it would be taking a chance on my life and our baby,s life so I got my tubes cut and tied. under there advise. over the years i have sufferd a lot of depression.
I lost my beautiful baby girl Adalynn on March 4th 2014 what should had been the happiest day of my life became the worse after going into labor at 40 weeks and 4 days thinking everything was completely okay then after arriving at the hospital and into labor and delivery the doctor then tells me they have lost my baby’s heartbeat was the worst feeling in the world. Then coming home without her was even harder. Though I remember my angel every day I was glad to find there is a special day to remember my angel baby with other mother’s who have been through the samething. There is nothing worse than losing a child. But even though I didnt want to give her up God let me hold and kiss that angel for just a little bit. Mammy loves you Adalynn forever in my heart!
I lost my Angel baby on 04/04/14.. I Started having headaches everday, untill one day I started having cramps like a period.. Then I started to bleed, I went to the doctors and they did a ultrasound.. There was no heartbeat or anything on the screen . that was the worst thing I had ever seen in my life. I can’t help but feel like it was my fault , can’t help but feel like I should have taken better care of myself or that I should have known something was wrong. . it cry every day, I hold my child’s things and think of what life would have been with my baby .. I know my angel baby is up in hevan while god takes care of him/her.. I am a mom to a child with wings, I will carry you in my heart since I can not in my arms. Rest in peace mommy love you so much xoxoxoxo
On July of 2012, I lost my twins. I didn’t even know the gender of either of my babies until they were delivered the next day after that. It still pains me to say how I lost them so I won’t even talk about it til this day. All I will talk about is the happy moments I spent with them after their birth. My son, Caleb Owen, passed away first. We went in for a ultrasound on the 5th to see how his sister, Charlotte Olivia, was doing before we delivered him. But we soon found out that we had lost her too. Two days later, I gave birth to my baby boy and my baby girl. They shared the same length: 5.2in. Caleb weighed 4oz., Charlotte weighed 4.2oz. I will never forget my little sunshines, and I will never forget seeing those two lines of nothing but loss. -Casey
I would also like to say that every week we go to their grace site and I will sing “You Are My Sunshine” to them. They were buried in the same casket holding hands and clutching two coins with angels on them. We change out their flowers every Monday and give each of them a new pacifier and sit it on their side of the grave. I love you guys! RIP Caleb Owen and Charlotte Olivia. -Casey xoxo
Hi im jessica. I am 20 years old. I found I was pregnant with my first child in February 3rd, 2014. I was about 19 when i found out, 3 days away from my birthday. I went to my doctor for a physical that day and she said I was pregnant and she said I was about 7 weeks. Me and my boyfriend of 4 years, we were excited about the news. When i told him the news, he wouldnt stop touching my stomach. Two days later I was at target looking for baby clothes for a great friend of mine, her baby shower was days away so I had gone to get her a gift. As I was looking for a gift I started cramping and I remember my doctor saying cramping is normal so I ignored it. As I was driving home, the cramping kept getting worse and worse, I also started getting back pain as well. I got home and I went to the restroom, I was bleeding alot. When I saw the amount of blood , i knew I was having a miscarriage. I went to the er, I didnt wanna believe it. After they did so many test, hours later the doctor told me I had a miscarriage, they found no heart beat on the ultra sound. I had the miscarriage that night on February 5, 2014. It was the day before my birthday. I will never forget it. Till this day I cry everynight. My boyfriend has gotten over it and is doing better but I cant seem to ever forget it. I have gotten depress about it. my friends are now having babies and its hard to talk to them or see them with their babies. Its amazing how something so tiny that youve never met or got to hold but knowing they were growing in your belly, you just fall in love with them instantly. For the past month ive been dreaming I had a boy and I named him after my boyfriend and I actually got to see him and held him in my dream. He had nice blue eyes with light brown hair, he looked just like my boyfriend, he was so beautiful. I was suppose to be due in September 22nd, 2014 . I would have been about 32 weeks pregnant right now. I cry every day and blame myself for it. All i wanna do is just be in bed all day and not leave my room. I havent been able to talk to anyone about this. i try talking about it with my boyfriend but he just doesnt seem to like talking about it either. In going to school right now for medical assistant, im half ways done. There are times when I just cry when im at school, I just wanna be at home in bed. After 5 months of my miscarriage, im still a mess. I didnt tell any of my family besides my parents and my older brother. I was gonna wait till I was about 3 months to tell the rest of my family and friends. I really wanted this baby. And im not ready to have another baby for awhile, I told myself I was never gonna have another baby after I had my miscarriage but id love to be a mom one day but im just scared im going to have have another miscarriage. I dont wanna lose another baby. Im planning to try in a few years, im hoping everything turns out good. Im sorry for your loss to all the beautiful ladies out there. Rest In Peace to our little angels♡
Im Vivian Briones and i recently had a misscarage. Atleast thats what they ( doctors) call it. I was with my partner for almost 3 years ofcourse on & off but we managed to stick together & we created a handsome baby boy. When i found out i was pregnant i was felling all kinds of emotions, i wasen’t sure if it was the right time or how much trouble i could be getting myself into since i was only 17. I dont believe in abortion, so i knew that’s not what i wanted to do. I took about 8 home pregnancy test & came to the conculion i was definetly pregant. I imedetly told my partner anad we were both very happy & excited . I was bit terffied to tell my family since they had always been so strict. So that lead to telling his family the big news. They were beyound excited, we all wanted a baby boy so we all talked & talked about having a baby boy in our lives. Finally a week later i had the courge to tell my family, ofcouse just like any other parents they were very dissopinted but very supportive and excited. They couldnt believe the first grandchild was on its way! My step-mother and I imedetly made a doctors appt. My docotor sechuled me an appt by then i was already 8 weeks. For the first time i came to the meaning of unconditional love i heard my very own child’s heatbeat. I had never been so happy in my life when i saw my baby for the first time in an ultrasound i fell inlove & couldn’t think of anything better, i knew god had blessed me with the best. At 12 weeks & 3 days i started spotting (very light) i was so scared, cause as far as i knew i wasent suppose to bleed during a pregnancy so i ran to my step-mom & quickly went to the ER & after all the blood work done i was told my harmones were very high but due to the bleeding it was possible for a threated miscarrage. Never did i think i would go through something like this, i cried and cried for days. It only made me take care of myself 10x better. Days,weeks,months past by and everything was noraml my pregnancy was going GREAT! At 18 weeks i found out it was a BOY! Everyone was so excited! I starting planning everything with my baby boy i knew his name of the bat, Andres Perez. Just to know that 4 weeks later i would be in a hospital bed delivering him. It started off as a light bleeding i didnt thinks so much of it for the fact that i was already 5 months, but little did i know after 2 days of light spotting .. very heavy bleeding started. I imedetly attended to the hospital & they send me to labor & delievery i knew at that momment something was wrong. My water broke 2 hrs after doctors couldnt do anything but try to comfort me due to i was having my preious baby boy at 21 weeks & 2 days! My lovely son only lived for 5 minutes.. he was not ready. He had already stopped growing at 14 weeks. Nothing was fully deveoped. He was the tiniest baby i had ever layed my eyes on. Still to this day i cant get over it & not many people understand my pain, hurt or anything im going through enotionally. Andres Perez was born June 5th, 2014 & the pain is still brand new.
OUR MIRACLE
We were ready in pink.
We were ready in blue.
We were ready for a Miracle and that Miracle was you.
The crib was in place.
The carousel too.
A few months from now our Miracle was due.
You’d have the best clothes.
And attend the best schools.
You’d learn about Jesus and follow His rules.
We heard your heart beat.
Saw your picture that day.
Now, precious, Miracle. you’ve been taken away.
We don’t understand.
We just sit and cry.
Wish someone could tell us the answer to “Why?”.
Arms that won’t hold you.
Nor eyes watch you sleeping.
We put you in God’s hands, for the safe keeping.
The weather man said,
“Sunshine today”.
But inside our hearts the world is all gray.
It must be God’s will.
Yet we don’t agree.
The reason for this? Someday we might see.
I straighten the pillow.
Where your head was to lay.
And hold to the faith, that we’ll meet you someday.
We were ready in pink.
We were ready in blue.
We’ll be ready in heaven when we get to hold you.
Larry D. Moore
1/05/2003
Hello,
I wish I knew about this website years ago. My son Chase would have been 8 today. He was born October 3 , 2006 at 5:04 am, I was 24 weeks pregnant. That was the day my whole world turned upside down. It’s like a nightmare that I play over & over in my mind. I know now that there’s nothing I could have done to change the situation , but it took me a long time to realize it. I blamed myself for a long time & lost a piece of myself that day. I had 2 other boys at the time, that I delivered by C-section. So knowing I was going to have to deliver a baby naturally , and knowing that there was nothing anyone could do to save him, sent me into a bad depression of anger, guilt, hatred. Holding a child in your arms, who looks like a baby, has 10 fingers, 10 toes and appears to be perfect but small is very hard to wrap around your head and heart. There is not a day that goes by that a don’t think about him, what he would be doing, what he would be like. It still hurts my heart so much, there is a piece missing which I don’t think , you ever get back. I know I do have an Angel in heaven and he is watching over me and his family. I had a ceremony for him and his ashes sit in an urn on my fireplace. I know this seems so depressing, but it ‘s a comfort to know that there our other people out there feeling the same way. Life goes on and maybe one day , you get lucky and at 45years old you find out you are pregnant with a baby girl , and as I’m writing this , I’m looking at my 21month old and I can say Yes I am Blessed! Thanks for listening to my story.
H
I discovered this website while I was researching something else online. My heart goes out to all of the mothers, fathers, families and friends of these little children who left our world too soon.
I am involved with an organization you might have heard of called “Garden of Innocence.” We provide funerals and burials for babies who were still-born and left at hospitals (most of “our” babies) or in some cases babies who who were abandoned and later found. We assume that someone out there loved and loves them, misses them and will never forget them, but for a variety of reasons, those “someones” have not claimed and buried these babies, so we sort of become their “families” and give them a dignified, loving, solemn but joyful burial.
“Garden of Innocence” is a national, all-volunteer organization; most of the 15-20 GOI groups are in west coast cities. On our website (Gardenofinnocence.org) you can find a wealth of photographs and information about what we do and why we do it (example: I live in Fresno, CA, and we have a service coming up on Oct. 25. I’m the music coordinator, one of many volunteers).
Know that we share with you the conviction that every person and every life matters, no matter how small the person or how short the life.
Never forgetting,
Kristie
Dec 3 will be a year since I lost my baby girl. She was born with a bad heart. I’m trying to see where I can go and talk about her and what I’m going through. I’m just starting to talk about her and it’s getting harder and harder to do. It seems like it was just yesterday.
My daughter had a miscarriage on October 15th, this year, 2014. She just realized today that October 15 was the day to remember these losses.
Let me start by saying Thank you ! On October 15,2014 at 10pm I gave birth to DEZIREE ELISE STARRETT. My precious baby! She was my dream come true but my dream became my nightmare. There was no heart beat and no cry. I was in heaven. Things didn’t sink in until I was informed on what we could do. Sure didn’t seem like much . As if my child wasn’t anything just because she was 28 weeks old one pound three ounces and twelve inches long !! She is my sign big things come in small packages!!! When things began hitting me at the hospital my heart stopped when I found out 10/15 was the national rememberance day ! The day I birthed my girl and gave her a big kiss and let out that cry of pain heart break ! Not my baby ! Just know, we are never alone. I believe in God and he needed my girl and needed me for some purpose.. What I’m not for sure yet but I do know God loves us all and things happen for a reason we may not see or understand. Believe and have faith for this is only the now heaven is eternity!
When God calls little children
to dwell with him above.
We mortals sometimes questions
the wisdom of his love.
for no heartache compares with
the death of one small child,
who does so much to make our world
seems wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling
the aged to His fold.
So He picks a rosebud
before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them
and so He takes but few,
to make the land of Heaven
more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult
still somehow we must try.
The saddest word mankind know
will always be “Goodbye”.
So when a child departs
we who are left behind,
must realize God loves children,
Angels are hard to find.
hello.my name is damian and my wifes name is phillipa.we live in bunnythorpe,a small town just out of palmerston north,new zealand.
we have recently had a great loss of our own.my wife had a minor illness…a bug if you will which led to complications with her type one diabetes which led to ketoacidtosis.i very nearly lost them both.however phillipa is on the mend and our little man (nickname buddy) was stillborn by ceaserean section.we have had the last few days with buddy beside us in hospital looking after him and having immediate family come visit him.he is just the most perfect adorable little guy.he is very much loved by us all.buddy went for a trip to wellington yesterday for his autopsy so we are hoping to get some answers on some of our many questions sometime in the months to come.once my darling wife has recovered physically and out of hospital we can look forward to planning a celebration of buddy with our people.we have lots of support around us so we are luckier than some in this regard.
to all others who have the same pain we do i hope you are doing ok and are able to keep the precious memory of your little one alive in your heart.
i am a builder and one of those rugged manly man sort of guys but im not ashamed to say i will cry whenever i feel like it.my pain is real.
it feels good to writ e this stuff down so im glad of that.
all the best to you.